Debt and Family Stress

Is Your Family Debt Causing Family Stress?

What Parents Can Do

Over the years, hundreds of students have shared with me that their parents are fighting, not speaking to each other, or are feeling stressed due to financial pressure. Common themes centered on a parent losing his or her job, not being able to afford “what others have, and battles among siblings who have to share “family gifts.” For years, many parenting authors shared their concerns and made claims that financial pressure was a leading cause of divorce in the United Stated. The good news is that many of these claims are no longer being made without proof.

Over the past five years, tens of thousands of Websites have been developed to assist families with financial advice to reduce not only debt, but the stress that comes with the debt. Most of these sites, however, do not provide resources, strategies or techniques for parents to utilize in helping their child and themselves reduce the emotional stressed caused by financial difficulties. To reduce family stress, help your child become more accountable with his or her money and become a role model in your home with financial matters, parents may apply some of the strategies listed below.

Have a discussion with your children at an early age (five or above) to let them know that items cost money. Have this type of discussion several times a year. Don’t lecture, but provide information in a learning atmosphere. Share (at an age appropriate level) what you, as a parent do for a job or how you make money to buy things. Don’t allow your child to learn that materials goods come at no cost.

Show your child how you pay your bills; what it cost to heat the home, pay for car repairs and buy groceries. It’s not appropriate to share your private computer accounts, codes and passwords for bank accounts. It is important to let the child know that you have a system in place to pay for things that your family needs.

Hold a discussion with your children that centers on the following:

Family/Individual Needs: Food, shelter, clothes, transportation (car), communication (phone), etc. vs.

Family/Individual Wants: TV, cell phone, toys, games, trips, jewelry etc.

Let your children know that you love them; especially during stressful times. Spent time talking, doing activities that don’t cost anything (play cards, games, read, take a walk etc.). Having fun does not have to cost a lot of money. Saying, “I love you” is free!

Jan Andersen, associate professor at CSU Sacramento, research indicated that financial pressure was not a leading cause of divorce in the U.S., but is often ranked four or fifth in that category (MSN, Money).

Talking To Children About Terrorism And War

The American Academy Of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry published an outstanding article that provides parents and educators with answers and solutions for the questions that children have regarding terrorism and war. Parents and educators who allow children to openly share their thoughts and feeling prior to a crisis, also promote an emotionally safe environment for future discussions after a crisis (act of terrorism) occurs.

As parents and educators, we face the daunting task and challenge of explaining violence, terrorism and war to children. Although difficult, these conversations are extremely important. They give parents an opportunity to help their children feel more secure and understand the world in which they live. The following information can be helpful to parents when discussing these issues:


Listen to Children:

• Create a time and place for children to ask their questions. Don't force children to talk about things until they're ready.

• Remember that children tend to personalize situations. For example, they may worry about friends or relatives who live in a city or state associated with incidents or events.

• Help children find ways to express themselves. Some children may not be able to talk about their thoughts, feelings, or fears. They may be more comfortable drawing pictures, playing with toys, or writing stories or poems directly or indirectly related to current events.

Answer Children's Questions:

• Use words and concepts your child can understand. Make your explanation appropriate to your child's age and level of understanding. Don't overload a child with too much information.

• Give children honest answers and information. Children will usually know if you're not being honest.

• Be prepared to repeat explanations or have several conversations. Some information may be hard to accept or understand. Asking the same question over and over may be your child's way of asking for reassurance.

• Acknowledge and support your child's thoughts, feelings, and reactions. Let your child know that you think their questions and concerns are important.

• Be consistent and reassuring, but don't make unrealistic promises.

• Avoid stereotyping groups of people by race, nationality, or religion. Use the opportunity to teach tolerance and explain prejudice.

• Remember that children learn from watching their parents and teachers. They are very interested in how you respond to events. They learn from listening to your conversations with other adults.

• Let children know how you are feeling. It's OK for them to know if you are anxious or worried about events. However, don't burden them with your concerns.

• Don't confront your child's way of handling events. If a child feels reassured by saying that things are happening Avery far away,@ it's usually best not to disagree. The child may need to think about events this way to feel safe.

Provide Support:

• Don't let children watch lots of violent or upsetting images on TV. Repetitive frightening images or scenes can be very disturbing, especially to young children. •Help children establish a predictable routine and schedule. Children are reassured by structure and familiarity. School, sports, birthdays, holidays, and group activities take on added importance during stressful times.

• Coordinate information between home and school. Parents should know about activities and discussions at school. Teachers should know about the child's specific fears or concerns.

• Children who have experienced trauma or losses may show more intense reactions to tragedies or news of war or terrorist incidents. These children may need extra support and attention.

• Watch for physical symptoms related to stress. Many children show anxiety and stress through complaints of physical aches and pains.

• Watch for possible preoccupation with violent movies or war theme video/computer games.

• Children who seem preoccupied or very stressed about war, fighting, or terrorism should be evaluated by a qualified mental health professional. Other signs that a child may need professional help include: ongoing trouble sleeping, persistent upsetting thoughts, fearful images, intense fears about death, and trouble leaving their parents or going to school. The child's physician can assist with appropriate referrals.

• Help children communicate with others and express themselves at home. Some children may want to write letters to the President, Governor, local newspaper, or to grieving families.

• Let children be children. They may not want to think or talk a lot about these events. It is OK if they'd rather play ball, climb trees, or ride their bike, etc.

War and terrorism are not easy for anyone to comprehend or accept. Understandably, many young children feel confused, upset, and anxious. Parents, teachers, and caring adults can help by listening and responding in an honest, consistent, and supportive manner. Most children, even those exposed to trauma, are quite resilient. Like most adults, they can and do get through difficult times and go on with their lives. By creating an open environment where they feel free to ask questions, parents can help them cope and reduce the possibility of emotional difficulties.

Ten Steps to Fun and Safe Play

1. When shopping for toys, keep in mind the child's age, interests and abilities.

2. Read toy or packaging labels for age ranges and safety warnings.

3. Be especially careful when choosing toys for children under three. Select toys that are free of small pieces (or pieces that separate or can be broken off), are lightweight, have no sharp edges or points and are non-toxic.

4. At home, read instructions for assembly and use. Keep product literature in case of future questions and complete warranty cards.

5. Remove and discard all packaging from a toy before giving it to a baby or small child.

6. Consider the home environment in which a child will play with a toy and younger children who may be there. A toy intended for an older child may be dangerous in the hands of a younger one.

7. Supervise children when they play and set good examples of safe play.

8. Remind caregivers, including grandparents, of play-related safety concerns.

9. Choose a safe storage place for toys.

10. Check toys at least every three months to determine their safety. Make any repairs immediately or throw away damaged toys.

Children are inspired to realize their full potential through play. Thank you for caring enough to help make playtime a safe, rewarding, joyful experience.
For up-to-date information about toys and play, please visit our website at: www.toy-tia.org, click on“Toy Safety Hotline”

Depression In Children

The causes of depression in children are numerous. Depression is a complex disease that can occur as a result of a variety of childhood situations. For some, depression occurs due to a loss of a loved one, a change or move, or after being placed in a situation that causes severe fear or abuse. Like adults, depression can occur in children due to family history.

Common factors involved in causing depression in children may include:

Personal and ongoing disputes within a family.

Physical, sexual, or emotional abuse.

Major events that occur in everyone's lives, such as moving, starting school, divorce parents, death of a pet, not being accepted.

Serious illness: depressed feelings are a common reaction to many medical illnesses.

Certain medications

A history of depression in the family: It is believed that depression is passed genetically from generation to generation, although the exact way this occurs is not known.

Grief from the death or loss of a loved one.

Other personal problems: these may come in the forms of social isolation due to other mental illnesses, or being cast out of a family or social circle.

Common Symptoms of Childhood Depression

Persistent or ongoing sadness

Isolation or desire to be alone

Acting-out behavior, anger, aggression

Change in social behavior

Change in habits or unusual daily functions that includes eating, sleeping and desire to be or not be with others.

Anxiety

Feeling of worthlessness

Guilt

Low energy

Not all children have all of these symptoms. Most will display different symptoms at different times and in different settings. Although some children may continue to function reasonably well in structured environments, some children with significant depression will suffer a noticeable change in social activities, loss of interest in school and poor academic performance, or a change in appearance. Children may also begin using drugs or alcohol, especially if they are over the age of 12.

Suicide attempts in depressed children under the age of 12 are a rare occurrence. Girls are more likely to attempt suicide, but boys are more likely succeed in committing this action. Children with a family history of violence, alcohol abuse, or physical or sexual abuse are at greater risk for suicide, as are those with depressive symptoms.

What Parents Can Do?

If the symptoms of depression continue to last for at least two weeks, you should schedule an appointment with a medical doctor. A medical diagnosis is important to ensure there are no physical reasons for the symptoms. If a positive medical diagnosis is made it’s important for the parent and child to continue to meet with a trained medical doctor and other personnel to discuss an appropriate treatment plan. A mental health evaluation often includes interviews with the parent and child. It may also include psychological testing.

As a parent, it’s important to remember that depression is a treatable illness. Just like it’s important to meet with an eye specialist if your child is having vision problems, it’s important to allow your child to meet with a medical doctor if your child has symptoms of depression.

My Child Steals

Parents need to know that it is very common and normal for children under the ages of four and five to take things that do not belong to them without understanding the concept of stealing. Children need to be taught lessons in personal property and not taking something without permission. Children under the age of five are generally self-centered and their primary focus is often seeing and taking what they want. That’s why parents need to begin teaching their child the manners involved in asking permission to take, borrow or use someone else’s belongings. Parents who overlook these important lessons often receive embarrassing phone calls from their child’s school, youth programs or neighbors in regards to their child’s theft issues.

Why Do Children Steal?

There are many reasons why children may take things that do not belong to them. Parents need to become more concern when they see a repeated pattern of stealing and are beginning to identify their child with more then one of the reasons for stealing listed below.

· A child may be stealing to get attention. The attention that they may be seeking, other than the parents, may include their peers or brothers and sisters.

· Children often learn from adults. When a child sees a parent take items from their work, neighbors or even stores in front of their children, are modeling the behavior of stealing. Children often learn from this example that some stealing is acceptable behavior.

· A child may feel that they “found” an item that does not belong to them, and therefore they may keep the item. Parents need to teach their children that a “found” item is not necessarily theirs to keep.

· A child’s basic needs may not be met. Some children who steal often feel they are lacking something that other children may have. For example: Some of your child’s friends may have pocket money to buy extra food while they are at school. The parent may not view this desire as necessary or the parent cannot afford the “pocket change” to give to their child, so the child steals the money to meet his or her needs.

· Some children steal to gain control or power.

· Some children steal for the thrill. This often occurs with older teens and adults. This type of stealing often becomes habitual.

· Some children steal to fit in or to be accepted by their peers. This type of stealing is often caused by peer pressure.

What Can Parents Do?

Parents who do nothing to react to their child stealing are only condoning the behavior. Parents need to take steps immediately when they catch their child taking something that does not belong to him or her. Below are some parenting solutions that can be implemented for children who exhibit stealing behaviors.

• Parents always need to be aware of where their children are and what they are doing.

• Sit down and talk with your child about stealing. The conversation should include what is and what is not stealing. This conversation may take place, depending on your child’s reasoning abilities, between the ages of four and five. Tell your child that stealing is wrong.
• Have your child agree that he or she will not touch some ones property without their permission.
• Make sure that your child knows that there will be natural consequences for stealing. Examples of natural consequences include loss of friends, loss of trust and not having a good feeling about stealing.
• Let your child know that there will be negative consequences from you. Your child should either return the item to the owner or pay for the item. If the child does not have money, he or she should do some extra tasks to earn the money. Hold your child accountable for the inappropriate action.
• If your child is stealing items from other kids at school and the items include things that he or she needs (pencils, paper and crayons), tell your child not to take another student’s belonging, you will buy what is needed.
• Avoid lecturing or labeling your child as a thief. Once your child realizes and agrees that the behavior was wrong the child should be given a chance to start over.
• Put all items that you do not want your child to have in an area that he or she cannot get to them.
• Teach your child that he or she will have a chance to earn the item in the near future. This will teach your child patience and delayed gratification.
• Teenagers who steal often do so for the thrill of the experience. Get your child involved in other activities that will fill their need for excitement.
• Children, especially teenagers who have habitual stealing behaviors, arrest for shoplifting or other reports of theft should see a trained professional (doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist etc.) who specializes in the area of stealing for more necessary interventions.