Attention Deficit Disorder: Making Friends

Helping Your ADD Child Make Friends

Research indicates that at least 60% of children diagnosed with ADD/ADHD have difficulty making and keeping friends. Many ADD/ADHD boys, when observed with their peers, seem to be more aggressive, off-task, challenging and argumentative. Girls, who tend to be more aware of their disorder, often have a thought process that hinders their desire to make and keep friends. Some ADD/ADHD girls, who are aggressive, tend to be bossy, controlling and use verbal skills, which may be offensive to their peers.

Many ADD/ADHD children are impulsive. It is often hard for them to resist blurting out or interrupting others in their social group. This impulsivity turns other children off because they do not have the patience and understanding that is often required to remain a friend.

Parents can help their child by reviewing and implementing some of the strategies listed below:

· Encourage positive conversations with your child regarding social interactions. Some comments may include:
“It looked like Tom liked some of your baseball stuff. How did you feel about sharing it with him?”
“ I was nice of you to invite Tammy and Jenny over”. “How did it go?” “Well, I agree, maybe next time things will go better if one friend comes over.” “Maybe you can allow the friend to come up with one thing to do and then you come up with an idea.”

· All children should be held accountable for their behavior, including children who have ADD/ADHD. This includes social behavior. When you become aware that your child has mistreated another person, or acted inappropriately, use this experience as a teachable moment. Teaching your child to apologize, say, “excuse me” when interrupting, pay for something that he or she has broken or admitting to an inappropriate act is something all children must learn.


· Wouldn’t the world be a better place if all people and children:


1. Said “Hello!” and “Good-bye!”
2. Took turns talking and using items
3. Smiled more
4. Asked others to join in
5. Listened
6. Showed that they cared for someone else
7. Said, “I’m sorry.”
8. Don’t make fun of others, call names, act rude
9. Give a compliment
10. Relax


These are all things that all parents need to talk to their children about. Parents also need to model these and other appropriate social skills for their children on a daily basis.


· Have your child make a list of behaviors or feelings that they want to see in a friend. If your child has a difficult time doing this, write the following words on a piece of paper and ask you child to circle the words that he or she wants in a friend.


Helpful Honest Friendly Cheerful Funny
Respectful Kind Dependable Unselfish Loyal
Dependable Caring Trusting Responsible Giving

· Now ask your child to circle the same list of words that best describes how other kids want to be treated by him or her. You can do the same activity with other behaviors and feeling from the list below. Only this time ask your child to select the behaviors or feelings that you do not want in a friend.

Hurtful Dishonest Unkind Sad Selfish
Irresponsible Angry Blaming Disrespectful

Now, ask your child if they have ever acted this way toward someone who they wanted to be their friend.

· Speak with your child’s teachers, school counselor and other adults that work with your child. Let them know that you are trying to help your child to be more responsible for their social behavior. Most school districts have social skill curriculums that promote these life lessons. Stay in touch and communicate with other adults in the neighborhood and ask for honest feedback when it comes to finding out how your child is interacting with your neighbor’s children. Remember, your child is in the learning stages of his or her life. If you decide not to help teach these important skills, who will?
· Ask your school counselor, school psychologist or school social worker if they have support groups set up to teach, promote and have their students practice social skills. If they do, encourage your child to “try out” the group.

I’m really worried that my ADD/ADHD child is not going to “make it” in life. What can I do?

Stop worrying! Did you know that close to 90% of all diagnosed ADD/ADHD children graduate from high school. Most ADD/ADHD children do not become criminals, do not smoke or abuse drugs at a rate higher than other teens, and do not hate or love their parents any more or less than other children. Your child has been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD not terminal cancer, not a criminal offense, not terrorism, not a death sentence! So, stop it. Begin to help your child. Work with your doctor and the schools by doing the following:
· Have your child evaluated by a doctor who specializes in ADD/ADHD
· Allow your child to work with behavioral specialist that promotes behavioral change associated with this disorder.
· Encourage your child to participate in extra-curricular and co-curricular school activities that may include sports, plays and drama, speech and debate, clubs (chess, ski, math etc.) and other activities that are normally listed on your school’s WebPages.
· Seek information about the available medication options from your medical doctor.
· Seek information about the family therapy and training session options from your medical doctor.
· Develop a 504 Plan with the school if necessary.
· Provide your child extra academic assistance from the school or a tutor if necessary.

For professional counseling, go to: Ask a Counselor

Medications For Attention Deficit Disorder

Treating ADD With Medication

As always, consult with your medical doctor before placing your child on any medication. It’s your job to ask questions and become educated on prescribed medication. Below is a list of the most commonly prescribed medications. New medications are prescribed regularly and may not be a part of this list. Stimulant medications are commonly prescribed for ADD/ADHD children.

Short-acting stimulants:

These stimulants are most commonly prescribed in “divided doses,” given 2-3 times daily. They normally last 3-5 hours. Dexedrine, Dextrostat, Methylin, Focalin and Ritalin are all short-acting stimulants.

Intermediate-acting stimulants:

These stimulants are normally taken once or twice per day and last four to eight hours. Adderall, Metadate ER, Ritalin SR, Methylin ER and Dexedrine Spansule are all intermediate-acting stimulants.

Long-acting stimulants:

Concerta, Ritalin LA, Adderall XR and Metadate CD are all long-acting stimulants. They are normally prescribed to be taken once daily and last 8-12 hours.

The stimulants mentioned above work by increasing the chemical activity in the brain responsible for inhibiting the undesired behavior of the ADD/ADHD child while increasing attention. These chemicals in the brain are known as neurotransmitters. Two neurotransmitters, dopamine and norepinephrine, are known to have tremendous influence on our ability to focus and stay on task while decreasing our desire to become excessively active. Many children respond to stimulants within the first thirty minutes. These stimulants are given orally to children. Most school districts do not allow, as a policy, for ADD/ADHD students to carry these prescribed medications with them in class. It’s important that the school nurse or school administrator is aware of the prescription medication that your child is taking while at school.


I heard that ADD/ADHD medication has bad side effects. Is that true?

Your doctor will provide you with information regarding the side effects of ADD/ADHD medication. It’s important to note that any item that we ingest, including water, can have adverse side effects. You doctor should monitor the side effects of the prescribed medication that you child is place on. This means that your doctor will want to hear from you if the side effects are occurring outside the range of normalcy for most children. Some of the common side effects for these stimulants include insomnia (sleeplessness), decreased appetite, headaches, anxiety and stomachaches. These side effects, if they are present, usually decrease during the first few weeks for most children. Again, let your doctor know if your child appears to be too sleepy, anxious or unable to sleep (insomnia) for long periods of time. Your doctor may ask your child’s teachers to fill out a teacher rating scale to help determine the effects of the prescribed medication during the child’s school day.

It’s important to note that stimulants have been prescribed to help children to cope with ADD/ADHD type behaviors since the late 1930’s. Out of the millions of children treated with stimulant medications, no known research studies have found that children taking these prescribed medications have had permanent damaging effects. Likewise, the same appears true for the positive side effects. There is no known research that shows the long-term positive side effects for using stimulants alone changes or alters the child’s outcome in adulthood.

Will my child have a greater chance of using drugs later in life because I allow medication to be used now?

Drug abuse research does not support the notion that children who use prescribed medications have a greater chance of abusing drugs later on in life. In fact, most research done in this area has shown just the opposite; especially for males.

Attention Deficit Disorder: Establishing Routines Are Important

The Three R’s To Help ADD/ADHD Children Routines, Rules and Rewards

Generally speaking, we human beings do better when we follow a routine. Whether we are at work, play or just relaxing, we are often less anxious when we are in a predictable, structured pattern known as a routine. ADD/ADHD children often do better at home and at school when there is structure, an orderly schedule of events and few surprises. The surprise element in our lives is often stimulating. It often gets our adrenal glands flowing, which in turn raises our level of anxiety. For many individuals this stimulation promotes motivation and desire to do something. For many ADD children, however, the opposite effect may occur.

This may force the student to shut down, lose concentration and/or retreat. ADHD children may begin to act out, lose their focus and start to pace the room. For this reason, predictable routines, rules and rewards (incentives) seem to work for children diagnosed with ADD/ADHD. Parents working with an ADD/ADHD child may utilize the examples of routines, rules and rewards listed below.

· Place a poster board of daily routines on the child’s bedroom wall that spells out what the child must do everyday. Don’t get carried away. Make it simple and precise. The same poster board routine may also be placed on the outside cover of your child’s notebook for school. The poster may include:

Wake up at 7:00 a.m.
Shower at 7:10 a.m.
Eat breakfast at 7:25 a.m.
Brush teeth at 7:35 a.m.
Get backpack at 7:40 a.m.
Go to bus at 7:45 a.m.

· Some ADD/ADHD children have been successful wearing a watch that beeps to remind them to complete a task for follow directions.

· Have your child study in the same place during the same time of day whenever possible. Make sure that the décor in the room is not too busy looking or distracting to the child’s eye. No music and no TV!

· Establish posted rules for your child to follow. Be consistent on a day-to-day basis. One hour of TV per day means just that! See the chapter on rules for more information.

· Be consistent in assigning your child chores and task to accomplish around the house on a day-to-day basis. Have the chores listed and placed in a place where your child can read them each day.

· Make the incentives or rewards that you provide your child for accomplishing set rules and following routines “natural rewards.” Natural rewards or incentives are things that your child would naturally receive with one catch- they earn it! Such rewards may include pizza (or a favorite food) with friends, sleep over with friends, rent or order a movie or lunch with you! Make it simple and well within your budget. You don’t want to teach your child that he or she needs to accomplish a task in order to get a reward. You do want to teach your child that following a routine will help them succeed.

· Part of the reward plan may include a point system. Establish a system where your child can earn points for accomplishing a task or following a routine for the day. Help the child to set a goal to reach a certain number of points for the week, month and year. Place an incentive for each point total reached. Set up a chart or a graph so that the child can see their accomplishments. Keep it positive. If the child did not reach their goal for the day, let him or her know that new point goals will begin each day.

· Establish a routine for the entire family to follow. Don’t go crazy all at once. This can be done slowly and naturally. A good time to begin is at the beginning of the school year, month, birthday or other natural breaks in the year.

Attention Deficit: Homework Help Tips

Most parents of ADD/ADHD children report that homework is the most difficult part of parenting their child in relationship to school. When you think about it, there are a lot of steps that the child has to follow before a homework assignment is even turned in to be graded.

• Hear the assignment

• Understand the assignment

• Write down the assignment

• Remember to bring the assignment (and books, if necessary) home

• Remember to do the assignment

• Remember to ask for help

• Remember to take your time, focus, concentrate

• Remember to do your best

• Remember to pack the assignment

• Remember to bring the assignment to class

• Remember to turn the assignment in to the teacher

Each step may be a major challenge. So, here are some things that parents can do to help.

1. Help your child with organization. Do NOT do all the organizing yourself…just help by:

· Working with your child to organize the bedroom, backpack, school locker etc.
· Asking to see the planner notebook. (Middle and High Schools) Most schools now require them.
· Listen and be helpful in answering your child’s organizational questions that is a source of his or her frustration.

Child: “I keep forgetting my book at school.”
Parent: “What will help?” Maybe a note inside your locker will help.”
Child: “I’m dumb!” I’ll never remember!”
Parent: “Let’s meet with your teacher to see if she has some ideas to help.”

2. Talk with your child’s teachers. Many teachers understand that homework is a great source of frustration for ADD/ADHD children. Some teachers will limit assignments, require less problems to solve in math or provide extra time. A 504 Plan (SEE SECTION ON 504 PLANS) may spell out specific homework guidelines for teachers to follow.

3. Ask the teachers if they have a Web Page that post assignments. Some teachers have assignments as a part of their voice mail system. Many teachers provide their learning disabled and ADD/ADHD students with separate notes and daily assignment sheets. Ask and you may receive!

4. Provide your child with incentives to remember to bring home their assignments and books. Maybe he or she gets to have a sleepover during the weekend for remembering.

Attention Deficit Test: What Happens?

What Happens During An ADD/ADHD Assessment?

Usually the assessment process includes the following process:

• Parent(s) and child meet together and separately with the professional to discuss why they are there and what they believe is happening.
• Parents often individually are asked to fill out a parent questionnaire form regarding numerous situations that they see in their child’s behavioral and academic performance.
• The child’s teacher (s) are asked to fill out a teacher questionnaire.
• An evaluator will administer a standardize IQ test (most commonly used test is the Wechsler test).
• A learning disorder assessment may also be given to rule out a learning disability.
• Computerized assessments may include a TOVA as well as other concentration assessments.
• The evaluator will review all assessments individually and as one prior to meeting with you to make recommendations.

• The evaluator may ask you to check with your school to see if the school has current IQ or learning disability assessment scores. If your child has been diagnosed with a learning disability (this is a school diagnosis) it may save your child time and you, the parent, money by getting these scores to the ADD/ADHD evaluator.

What Are The Treatments For Attention Deficit?

What Treatments or Interventions Work For ADD/ADHD

There are a variety of interventions that seem to lessen the severity of ADD/ADHD. Behavior modification that takes place in both the home and school has been used to help manage this disorder. Medical facilities that specialize in working with children who are ADD/ADHD can recommend a behavioral therapist who can assist the child in replacing undesirable thinking that leads to inappropriate behaviors.



There are many different forms of behavioral therapy that include Rational Living Therapy, Cognitive Therapy, Dialectic Therapy and Rational Emotive Therapy. Behavioral therapy is a form of psychotherapy that is applied by a trained, licensed therapist. Parents can also be taught behavioral modification techniques that can be used at home. Some of these techniques will be provided later.

Social skills’ training is another intervention that has helped children with ADD/ADHD. Children are taught how to interact with their peers and family members by practicing acceptable social behaviors. Some of medical facilities that assess ADHD also provide social skills support groups. Another option for this intervention is offered through the special education programs in numerous public schools. Check with your child’s classroom teacher, school principal or special education director for availability.

The use of medication is another option that parents may want to consider after their child has been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD. There has been some controversy on the use of medication to treat children and adult who have been diagnosed with this disorder. Some of the controversy stems from the fact that some doctors over-prescribed a certain medication without first doing the proper assessments for ADD/ADHD. Other doctors have been accused of not following up with the child and parents to check on the side effects that the child is having that may be causing the child more problems. The fact remains, however, that millions of children who have been diagnosed with this disorder have had their symptoms successfully reduced after being placed on a medication that meets the needs and symptoms that is occurring with the child.

Medical specialist who appropriately assesses children for ADD/ADHD will often provide parents with the medication option after they provide the parents with appropriate information regarding the implications, side effects and long-term prognosis of the use of medication to treat this disorder. Again, see a doctor who specializes in the field of ADD/ADHD. Your school counselor, psychologist or nurse may also be able to provide you with the name of a medical facility and/or doctor who specializes in this area.

The following medical and educational specialists are usually involved in the evaluation process:

• Developmental Pediatricians

• Clinical Psychologist

• Psychiatrist

• Pediatric Neurologist

• Pediatricians

The Causes of Attention Deficit Disorder

What Causes ADD/ADHD?

Medical experts believe that brain structure and function play a role in causing ADD and ADHD. The brain’s frontal lobe (located near our forehead) has often been the point of concentration by medical research teams. Through the use of MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging) these teams have found that the frontal lobes are 3 to 4 percent smaller in children who have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD. Medical science also believes that one of the brain’s main sources of energy, glucose, is used less in the areas that control attention in adults who have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD than adult who have not been diagnosed with this condition.

Since many individuals who have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD have responded well to stimulants to control this disorder, dopamine (a chemical neurotransmitter in the brain), is thought to be lacking in children with ADD/ADHD. Scientist hypothesize that since dopamine, which also reduces appetite and causes insomnia, have the same side effects as many stimulants, that this may be a cause to continue further research in this area.

Could Your Child Be Attention Deficit?

Is My Child ADD/ADHD

According to the American Psychiatric Association, as defined in their Diagnostic and Statistical Manual IV-TR, ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) have held numerous labels over the years. There are three different types of ADHD.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Primarily Inattentive Type (ADD)

This type of distractible and inattentive disorder is commonly referred as ADD or Attention Deficit Disorder.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Primarily Impulsive and Hyperactive (ADHD)

Children diagnosed with this disorder often react before that think making their actions impulsive. These children also show signs of uncontrollable urges to move.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Combined (ADHD)

Children in this group are distractible, inattentive and impulsive.

This type of distractive and inattentive disorder is commonly referred as ADD or Attention Deficit Disorder.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Primarily Impulsive and Hyperactive (ADHD)

Children diagnosed with this disorder often react before that think making their actions impulsive. These children also show signs of uncontrollable urges to move.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Combined (ADHD)

Children in this group are distractible, inattentive and impulsive.

Common Signs and Symptoms Of ADD

ADD usually does not become problematic until a child is in third or fourth grade. The following signs and symptoms are normally present for a period of time that is no less than six months in multiple settings (home, school, activities etc.).

• Short attention span

• Forgetful

• Easily distracted

• Of has difficulty with organizational skills

• Does not appear to be listeningFails to follow through with school assignments, chores and activities

• Often appears to be lazy, disinterested and fails to put forth mental effort

The ADD child normally wants to succeed, but is unable to do so because he or she cannot find the mental energy required to complete a task. Frustration is a common displayed feeling. Copy with ADD often leads the ADD child to lie about completing homework assignments and chores. Procrastination is another character trait that is often demonstrated by an ADD child. Crying, arguing and manipulation may also be other forms of exhibited behavior.

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What is ADD/ADHD?


According to the American Psychiatric Association, as defined in their Diagnostic and Statistical Manual IV-TR, ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) have held numerous labels over the years. There are three different types of ADHD.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Primarily Inattentive Type (ADD)

This type of distractible and inattentive disorder is commonly referred as ADD or Attention Deficit Disorder.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Primarily Impulsive and Hyperactive (ADHD)

Children diagnosed with this disorder often react before that think making their actions impulsive. These children also show signs of uncontrollable urges to move.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Combined (ADHD)

Children in this group are distractible, inattentive and impulsive.


Common Signs and Symptoms of ADD

ADD usually does not become problematic until a child is in third or fourth grade. The following signs and symptoms are normally present for a period of time that is no less than six months in multiple settings (home, school, activities etc.).

· Short attention span
· Forgetful
· Easily distracted
· Of has difficulty with organizational skills
· Does not appear to be listening
· Fails to follow through with school assignments, chores and activities
· Often appears to be lazy, disinterested and fails to put forth mental effort

The ADD child normally wants to succeed, but is unable to do so because he or she cannot find the mental energy required to complete a task. Frustration is a common displayed feeling. Copy with ADD often leads the ADD child to lie about completing homework assignments and chores. Procrastination is another character trait that is often demonstrated by an ADD child. Crying, arguing and manipulation may also be other forms of exhibited behavior.

ADD/ADHD and Homework

Most parents of ADD/ADHD children report that homework is the most difficult part of parenting their child in relationship to school. When you think about it, there are a lot of steps that the child has to follow before a homework assignment is even turned in to be graded.

Hear the assignment

Understand the assignment

Write down the assignment

Remember to bring the assignment (and books, if necessary) home

Remember to do the assignment

Remember to ask for help

Remember to take your time, focus, concentrate

Remember to do your best

Remember to pack the assignment

Remember to bring the assignment to class

Remember to turn the assignment in to the teacher


Each step may be a major challenge. So, here are some things that parents can do to help:
Help your child with organization. Do NOT do all the organizing yourself…just help by:

Working with your child to organize the bedroom, backpack, school locker etc.

Asking to see the planner notebook. (Middle and High Schools) Most schools now require them.

Listen and be helpful in answering your child’s organizational questions that is a source of his or her frustration.

Child: “I keep forgetting my book at school.”
Parent: “What will help?” Maybe a note inside your locker will help.”
Child: “I’m dumb!” I’ll never remember!”
Parent: “Let’s meet with your teacher to see if she has some ideas to help.”

Talk with your child’s teachers. Many teachers understand that homework is a great source of frustration for ADD/ADHD children. Some teachers will limit assignments, require less problems to solve in math or provide extra time. A 504 Plan (SEE SECTION ON 504 PLANS) may spell out specific homework guidelines for teachers to follow.

Ask the teachers if they have a Web Page that post assignments. Some teachers have assignments as a part of their voice mail system. Many teachers provide their learning disabled and ADD/ADHD students with separate notes and daily assignment sheets. Ask and you may receive!

Provide your child with incentives to remember to bring home their assignments and books. Maybe he or she gets to have a sleepover during the weekend for remembering.

For more ADD/ADHD information go to: ScottCounseling.com