But setting limits is an important part of good parenting. Infants' wants are identical to their needs. But over time, that changes. Toddlers' wants are often in direct opposition to their long-term developmental needs and safety. When parents don't make that developmental leap and learn to set limits, their children don't develop the ability to tolerate frustration or to manage themselves. These children are often referred to by others as “spoiled.”
Kids need limits for healthy emotional development. They do no need unreasonable limits and definitely not weak limits. When parents don't set limits, here's what happens:
1. The parents grant desires that should not be granted and have harmful consequences may occur. For example, regularly staying up too late, which results in a cranky and exhausted child who is not up to completing routine tasks.
2. The child’s desires are met at the expense of someone else: a sibling, the parent, the restaurant where the family has gone to dinner, etc. The child also learns that she always gets her way in relationships, which of course, will make it hard for her to make friends.
3. The child learns that disappointment and sadness are not a part of his or her life. When the child realizes that the parents will do almost anything for him or her to prevent disappointment, the child may spend the rest of life doing whatever is necessary to avoid feeling what she fears through the parents. Keep a child from disappointment may cause the child to do things that end up being destructive. This may include cheating, stealing and other acts of behavior to reach a desired goal in an appropriate manner.
4. The child never learns to impose limits on him or herself. Imposing self limits is a crucial for self management and discipline. Self-discipline is a skills that help us to strive to set and reach goals. When one sets and reaches a goal they are more apt to feel happier and satisfied with themselves.
5. The child never learns that happiness is not derived from wish fulfillment or desire, but from accomplishment.
6. The child has a much harder time developing stable internal happiness. They become more dependent on outside circumstance caused by other.. What does that mean?
Stable internal happiness comes from having one’s full range of self acceptance. When a child learns that he or she control their own feelings of anger, sadness and/or disappointment. They are more apt to do something about it. Parents who take this away send the message that part of the child’s self is not acceptable.
7. Children need to know that their parents have a different role than they do. It's a parent job to keep a child safe. When adults say “Kids will test the limits,” they mean kids want and need limits because they want someone to be in charge. Children who grow up with little or no limits often feel more insecure.
How to become a parent that sets limits
