Helping Your Child Improve Self-Image and Self-Esteem

Helping your child to improve his or her own self-image and self-esteem may seem like an impossible task. The truth is, it is impossible if your child is not a participant in making this change possible. No one can change the self-image and self-esteem that your child has, except the child. So, what can you, the parent do to help? ScottCounseling provides some basic, yet workable answers.

Sit down with your child and discuss the following:

What is self-image?

Write down a definition:

Our Definition: Self-image is how we would describe our self to someone else. Educators usually share the definition as “how we see ourselves.”

What is self-esteem?

Write down a definition:

Our Definition: Self-esteem or self-worth is how one feels about ones self. Educators usually share the definition as “a feeling that one has about him or herself.”

Ask your child how his or her self-image and self-esteem may be different at:

Home: ________________________________________________________

School: _______________________________________________________

Church: _______________________________________________________

Sports: _______________________________________________________­_

Social Gatherings: _______________________________________________

Ask your child to list his or her strengths:

Ask your child to list areas he or she wants to improve:

Goal Setting to Improve Self-Image and Self-Esteem

Goal setting helps us to get where we want to be in life. Setting goals to improve self-image and self-esteem is a great technique that helps a child feel that they are in control. This feeling of being in control helps to improve ones self-esteem and self-worth. Once this is done, ones self-image usually improves as well.

Goal Setting Tips

Goals need to be realistic (one that the child has a chance to accomplish), measurable (one where the child can see change), manageable (one where the child can break into small steps) and meaningful (one that provides a sense of purpose or meaning to the child).

Helping Your Child Improve His or Her Goal Success Rate

1. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes or fail. Make adjustments or new plans (if necessary) if or when mistakes or failures occur.

2. Be positive! Success has a better chance of being achieved when we are positive or have a positive attitude about what we are trying to accomplish.

3. Pat yourself on the back when any success is achieved toward the goal.

4. Visualize your goals and dreams daily. See yourself reaching your goal.

Journaling

Encourage your child to keep a journal and write down daily successes or setbacks. Many schools require children to write daily in a log or a journal. This not only helps with writing skills, but critical thinking skills as well.

Journaling may include:

Goal(s): __________________________________________________

Date: __________________

Plan to achieve goal:

Motivation Level: Very High High Average Low Very Low

Thoughts For The Day: ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Building self-image and self-esteem is a process not an event. Parents can model all the techniques taught in this article by practicing each technique before they encourage their child to try. Parents who demonstrate what they want their child to attempt are often more successful in helping their child accomplish the task.

Signs That Your Child Has Poor Self-Esteem

• Your child gives up easily or quits soon signing up for an activity.
• Your child seldom gives him or herself credit when doing something well.
• Your child often makes negative statement about him or herself.
• Your child often makes negative statements about others.
• You child avoids trying something new.
• Your child often makes excuses.
• Your child often blames others when something does not go right.
• You child makes statements that the worst is about to happen.
• Your child says he or she is not “in the popular group.”

Some Solutions To Help Your Child Build Positive Self-Esteem

• Encourage your child to pay compliments to him or herself by modeling that behavior. Say, “I like the way you passed the ball to others during the game.” Rather than, “Not everyone can be a good soccer player.” Encourage your child to use positive self-talk. Example: “ I like myself.” “I am good at _______.”

• Catch your child doing something good. Let your child know what you saw or heard.

• For every one negative statement you make toward your child, you have to share ten positive comments or compliments. Keep track. As parents, we may not realize how many negative statements we make.

• Begin to share with your child how unique he or she is. Share things like: “You are the only boy I see that smiling all the time.” “You clean the dishes better than anyone I know. How do you do this?” “Why is it so easy for you to help me. Not many kids your age can do that.”

• Help your child to set goals. Teach your child that it’s not uncommon for a person who sets a goal not to reach or achieve the goal the first time. “It’s o.k. to fail, but it’s not o.k. to quit.” When your child fails, help him or her to set a new goal. Make sure the goal is realistic and achievable. Don’t set goals that are overwhelming. Set small goals first. Work on bigger goals after success is achieved.