My Child Is Demanding
It’s not unusual for Children to begin to make some kind of demanding remarks between the ages of two and four years of age. This behavior is often a test given by a child to test parent limits and boundaries. Children who are demanding often are seeking control or may be facing some stress in their life. Parents who avoid stopping a child’s inappropriate demands may only be reinforcing such behaviors and allowing the child to develop a false sense of pride and security. Furthermore, there is growing research that supports the notion that demanding children become teenagers who feel they are “entitled” and “owed” whatever demands they make. Children need to learn early in life that they need a balance between giving and receiving.
Steps in parenting a Demanding Child
• Sit down with your child and discuss the difference between demanding behavior and polite, respectful request. It’s appropriate for a parent to let that child know that he or she is being demanding and need rephrase or change their voice tone when asking for something.
• Let your child know that they are going to get some of their request met with the answer “yes” and some met with the answer “no.” It’s okay to say “no.”
• It’s important for parents to model appropriate request when interacting with others. Parents who demonstrate demanding behaviors in front of their children only promote and reinforce this behavior. Talk to your children in a manner that you want them to speak to you.
• Teach your child the manners of “please” and “thank you.”
• Be calm and do not appear to be surprised when your child becomes demanding. Then say, “is there another way that you can say that?” Sometimes children do not know that they are being demanding.
• Do not give in to your child’s demands.
• Ignore your child’s demanding behaviors. Respond to your child’s polite request. Over time, responding only to polite behavior will reinforce the behavior expected.
• Communicate with the other parent or adults when your child’s behavior takes on demanding tendencies. This will prevent the child from going to others with their inappropriate demands.
• Make sure that your child gets your attention when he or she is acting appropriately. Demanding children often display this behavior to get the parent’s attention.
• Before bringing your child to the store or mall, review with the child your expectations of this trip and what you expect of them. It’s okay to let the child know “that we do not have the money to buy you a game on this trip to the store.”
• Let your child know that it’s not appropriate to make demands of you in front of their friends or in public. Make a rule in your house that says, “When you make demands of mom or dad in front of your friends, the answer to the demand will always be ‘no’.”
• Do not use physical force in response to your child’s demands. This may only influence the child to become more physically demanding on you an other later in their lives. Remember, stay calm.
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