Bully
The issue of bullying has grown over the past decade. School and neighborhood bullies affect hundreds of thousands of elementary, middle and high school students across the nation. ScottCounseling is here to help!
What is Bullying?
Bullying is initiated by one or more individuals with the intent to cause harm, fear or control over another person. The bully generally has more social and physical power. Bullying is often repeated with the same individuals harassing the same victims. Other common factors include:
Bullies often feel justified in causing feelings or physical pain.
Bullying is different than fights or conflicts. Bullying involves an imbalance of power or control.
Bullies are self-centered. They bully to fulfill a pleasure, desire or need.
Bullies are often involved in other inappropriate acts that may include vandalism, theft, fighting, drug abuse, truancy and police issues.
Bullying often causes victims to withdraw and become depressed. Some victims take extreme measures that may include violent revenge or suicide. Approximately 70% of the school shooters were victims of bullying.
Common Forms of Bullying
Physical: This type of bullying involves physical contact with the victim’s body. Hitting, punching, shoving, pushing, tripping and other acts of potentially harmful contact are common.
Emotional: This type of bullying is intended to cause psychological or mental pain. The bully uses words, gestures or written messages to cause the victim to feel sad or hurt. “Cyberbullying” is now a common method used by many bullies. This involves the use of computers or phones to e-mail, chatline, text or instant message someone with the intent to cause emotional stress or pain.
Verbal: This type of bullying involves words that are meant to be intimidating, embarrassing or hurtful gossip. Using inappropriate words such as slut, whore and bitch are common.
Racial: This type of bullying is meant to attack individual or group cultures, skin color, accents or beliefs. Racial slurs and taunts are common and cause victims to feel threatened, isolated or rejected.
Sexual: Sexual bullying singles out victims because of their gender or sexual orientation. Unwelcome sexual advances are common. Victims who appear or are of a different sexual orientation than the bully are often called “gay,” “faggot,” and other names with intent to cause emotional pain.
Signs That a Child May Be a Victim
Your child is easily distressed.
Your child prefers to be alone.
Your child has unexplained bruises or sores
Your child cries without telling you why.
Your child displays symptoms of ongoing sadness or depression
Your child exhibits poor self-esteem.
Your child often visits the school nurse with complaints of headaches and/or stomach aches.
Your child does not want to attend school or other outside activities.
What Can Parents and Schools Do?
Identify the Bully
Parents may not realize that their child is bullying other students. Some parents believe that if their child is picking on other students that this is just a normal growing process for their child and developmental in nature. Other parents believe their child may not be bullying, but “paying back” others for what was done to their child. Bullies are usually aggressive, lack compassion and display strong mood swings. Bullies usually have average intelligence, display a high level of self-esteem and are socially accepted by his or her peers. Bullies often are self-centered, feel justified, seek attention and falsely blames or accuses others.
Parents and school need to educate children on what bullying is, its impact and what can be done to prevent it.
Develop a home and school plan that promotes a positive climate. Parents need to discourage inappropriate name calling, gestures and hurtful teasing. Schools needs to hold school forums or invite popular anti-bully speakers to “Stomp Out Bullying!”
Encourage your children to report bullying to an adult. Let children know that the bully will not find out who is doing the reporting. NEVER PUT THE BULLY AND THE VICTIM TOGETHER UNLESS THE BULLYING IS OCCURING BY BOTH PARTIES.
Supervise and place adults in places where bullies do their best work. Be aware that bullies are good at manipulating adults. They work in the locker bays, restrooms, crowded hallways, school buses and bus stops, neighborhood parks, youth centers, church youth activities, on the phone, computers and other places where children out number the adults by more than 10 to 1.
Assign adults to keep track of bullies who have reoccurring issues. The idea here is not to punish the bully, but to promote a change of behavior. School counselors are often an effective strategy or means to help a bully change his or her behavior.
Assist the victim by helping him or her to communicate feelings regarding being bullied. Victim may also need to learn how to avoid bullies, learn “come back” statements and change behaviors that may open them up to a bully’s tactics. Again, school counselors are great resources to help victims of bullying.
Teach the “bystanders” how to not standby, but encourage the bully (who may be their friend) to stop what they are doing. Bystanders need to learn to speak up, tell the bully to “leave ‘em alone,” or help the victim to leave the area.
