What is ADD/ADHD?


According to the American Psychiatric Association, as defined in their Diagnostic and Statistical Manual IV-TR, ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) have held numerous labels over the years. There are three different types of ADHD.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Primarily Inattentive Type (ADD)

This type of distractible and inattentive disorder is commonly referred as ADD or Attention Deficit Disorder.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Primarily Impulsive and Hyperactive (ADHD)

Children diagnosed with this disorder often react before that think making their actions impulsive. These children also show signs of uncontrollable urges to move.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Combined (ADHD)

Children in this group are distractible, inattentive and impulsive.


Common Signs and Symptoms of ADD

ADD usually does not become problematic until a child is in third or fourth grade. The following signs and symptoms are normally present for a period of time that is no less than six months in multiple settings (home, school, activities etc.).

· Short attention span
· Forgetful
· Easily distracted
· Of has difficulty with organizational skills
· Does not appear to be listening
· Fails to follow through with school assignments, chores and activities
· Often appears to be lazy, disinterested and fails to put forth mental effort

The ADD child normally wants to succeed, but is unable to do so because he or she cannot find the mental energy required to complete a task. Frustration is a common displayed feeling. Copy with ADD often leads the ADD child to lie about completing homework assignments and chores. Procrastination is another character trait that is often demonstrated by an ADD child. Crying, arguing and manipulation may also be other forms of exhibited behavior.

ADD/ADHD and Homework

Most parents of ADD/ADHD children report that homework is the most difficult part of parenting their child in relationship to school. When you think about it, there are a lot of steps that the child has to follow before a homework assignment is even turned in to be graded.

Hear the assignment

Understand the assignment

Write down the assignment

Remember to bring the assignment (and books, if necessary) home

Remember to do the assignment

Remember to ask for help

Remember to take your time, focus, concentrate

Remember to do your best

Remember to pack the assignment

Remember to bring the assignment to class

Remember to turn the assignment in to the teacher


Each step may be a major challenge. So, here are some things that parents can do to help:
Help your child with organization. Do NOT do all the organizing yourself…just help by:

Working with your child to organize the bedroom, backpack, school locker etc.

Asking to see the planner notebook. (Middle and High Schools) Most schools now require them.

Listen and be helpful in answering your child’s organizational questions that is a source of his or her frustration.

Child: “I keep forgetting my book at school.”
Parent: “What will help?” Maybe a note inside your locker will help.”
Child: “I’m dumb!” I’ll never remember!”
Parent: “Let’s meet with your teacher to see if she has some ideas to help.”

Talk with your child’s teachers. Many teachers understand that homework is a great source of frustration for ADD/ADHD children. Some teachers will limit assignments, require less problems to solve in math or provide extra time. A 504 Plan (SEE SECTION ON 504 PLANS) may spell out specific homework guidelines for teachers to follow.

Ask the teachers if they have a Web Page that post assignments. Some teachers have assignments as a part of their voice mail system. Many teachers provide their learning disabled and ADD/ADHD students with separate notes and daily assignment sheets. Ask and you may receive!

Provide your child with incentives to remember to bring home their assignments and books. Maybe he or she gets to have a sleepover during the weekend for remembering.

For more ADD/ADHD information go to: ScottCounseling.com

I Have A Teenager!

I Have A Teenager!

This blog is dedicated to all of us parents who have spent sleepless nights, countless hours, countless dollars and unredeemable worries while contemplating our next strategy to help our teenager get through another day.

Does the following statements sound familiar?

“My mom is a control freak. She just won’t leave me alone.”
“My dad is so out of touch! He just doesn’t get it.”
“If my parents only knew what I was going through.”
“They don’t respect me for who I am, so I don’t respect them.”

Would your child say this sounds like you?

“It’s my job to be in control. That’s what parents do!”

“I’m out of touch because you don’t talk to me!”

“If you want to know what it’s like to go through something, come to work with me! That’s the real world.”

“Respect is earned! Give respect and you will get respect!”


Are Parents Really In Charge?

Yes! …and no

The truth is you are in charge, but will your child accept that and honor your commands? Many teenagers do not accept the fact that you not only have the moral obligation, but the legal obligation to be accountable for many of your teenager’s actions. For example, you may feel your sixteen your old is old enough to stay out past city curfew. Parents can face fines and be taken to court when a teenager breaks this law. You may chose to ignore your teenagers wish to be truant from school. A court of law may hold you, the parent, legally responsible and even threaten to take your child away if you do not begin to exercise some control.

So, what do you do? Do you yell, scream and fight back? Do you become afraid, show fear and retreat? It’s not easy. The fact is, you have to be in control while you giving up control at the same time. The following chapters will explore and provide you with some parenting strategies and guides in being in control while you allow your teen to take control. The real key to parenting a teen is Balance and Setting Limits.


Using A Balance Approach In Parenting

Parents who take control and learn to become comfortable in making major decisions in regards to the welfare of their teen while providing the teen with room to grow is a parent using a balanced approach. A balanced approach to parenting includes making financial decisions for the teen while teaching financial responsibility. It includes saying “no” when it comes to safety issues, such as unsupervised internet usage, but “yes,” when it comes to an agreement on what, when and where the internet will be used. Balanced parenting includes negotiation with limits.

“Yes, you may go to your friends house if the friend’s parents are home and I speak with the parents first.”

“No, you may not stay out past 11:00 p.m. because the city curfew law for your age is set at that time.”

Yes, you may put poster in your bedroom, but the posters may not be offensive to anyone else in this family.”

Balanced parents learn to pick their battles. You may decide to give up on your teen’s messy bedroom, but put your foot down to her listening to music with inappropriate language. You may decide not to go to battle over your son wanting to pierce his ear. Instead, you are going to spend your energy on helping him give up smoking. Parents who gain control by giving up some control are balanced parents.


Setting Limits

Successful parenting involves setting limits. Teen survey after survey seems to indicate that they need and want set limits. Set limits makes us all feel more secure. Can you imagine driving the freeways with no set speed limits? Most teens understand why we having limits set in our school because the limits are set the first day that school begins. Below are some considerations to keep in mind while setting limits.

· Setting limits favors the teens overall welfare, safety and continual growth.
· While setting limits parents need to feel comfortable in standing behind what is set.
· Do the set limits reflect your teen’s age and maturity level? Setting limits does not mean that you’re not flexible. In fact, balanced parents are flexible.
· It’s important to take in to account your child’s overall performance when setting limits. Some teens can handle and show good judgment while making decisions in regards peer relationships. The limits set here may be more relaxed.
· Setting limits involves discussion. Parents who have regular family and individual meetings with their teen to set limits teach their child the importance of communication and responsible decision-making. Some discussions may involve negotiations. To negotiate means to come to agreement through discussion. Not everything is negotiable.


Open for Discussion and Negotiation


Time to be with friends

How you clean your bedroom

Study habits

Special occasion curfews

TV, telephone and computer use


Not Open for Discussion and Negotiation

Use of Drugs and chemicals

Music with profanity

Attending school

Doing chores and helping around the house

Treating others and self with respect



Battles You May Skip With Your Teen
“It’s Against the Law!”

Most, if not all, counties across the country have set limits and rules that your child has to follow. You do not have to battle your teen about these limits, but you do have a responsibility to help your child learn and follow the these rules:

School Attendance: School attendance is mandatory across the country. Most states require that teenagers remain in school until the age of sixteen with some states making it mandatory until eighteen. State law is on your side on this matter. However, parents who are successful in setting limits also stay involved in their teen’s education by being aware of their child progress in school. Teens who have proven that they can achieve high academic standards set by their school can be given more responsibility. Poor academic performance by your teen may require more of your time checking progress reports, parent portals (internet connection to teacher’s records and grades) and communicating with teachers. Let your teen know that you care enough to stay involved, but not to the point of managing all their school affairs.

Curfew: Most counties and cities across the country have set limits for teens regarding curfew. Check with your local county office, police station or school officials for curfew rules. These rules may also be found on most county Web sites.

Driving a Vehicle: State law and vehicle use regulations are set in each state across the country. You may pick up a set of these rules and regulations at any state vehicle-testing site, drivers education agencies and school driver education programs.

Chemical and Drug Use: State and federal laws prohibits the use or consumption of alcohol by any teenager. Parents who allow their children to consume alcohol under the age of 21 may be held accountable for their child’s actions. It’s illegal to possess or distribute marijuana in the United States. Some states have set various amounts or weight limits in regards to prosecutable offenses. It’s also illegal to sell, use or distribute prescription medication without medical doctor’s consent.

It’s important to let your child know that everyone has to follow these rules. It’s out of your hands. As parents, it’s important that we set an example by following and expecting our teens to follow these rules. Limits are not only set in our homes, they are set in our society.


It’s Not Against The Law, but…

Dating and Sexual Activity: Many parents have found out the hard way that “zero tolerance” rules regarding dating may only lead your teen into secrecy and zero communication. Be open, honest and realistic with your teen when it comes to dating. It would be better for your teen to agree to introduce you to their boy or girlfriend than to secretly work behind your back. It was once thought that girls have “more to lose” than boys when it comes to dating. But, the fact is that many boys are now being emotionally abused and it’s just as important for parents to communicate with their son regarding dating issues, as it is their daughter. Some school surveys are indicating that date rape is occurring at a rate of 1 to 5 with girls between the ages of 16 to 21 years of age.

It’s important that every parent convey his or her thoughts, moral beliefs and concerns that they may have regarding teen sexuality. It okay to teach your child that there’s a time and place for everything in life. It’s important to recognize that sexuality may be one of the ultimate expressions of intimacy and love. However, sex can be dangerous. An unwanted pregnancy, venereal disease or exploited sexual experiences occur often with teens that lack parental guidance. Most school have human growth and anatomy curriculums that begin as early as 5th grade to help teach your child the basic facts of human sexuality. Whether you agree or disagree with the curriculum is not as important as your taking the time to discuss the issue with your teen. Research indicates that nearly 50% of all teens are sexually active by the time they graduate from high school. The American Medical Association reports the following:

· Each year, roughly 1 million teenage girls get pregnant in the United States.
· The average age of first sexual intercourse is 16.
Added to these statistics:
· Approximately 20% of teenagers smoked pot in the last month.
· 50% of all 8th grades and 80% of all 12th graders have tried alcohol.
These statistics make it even more important to have a conversation with our teens. You do not have to be a “Parent of the Year” to have a discussion with your teen regarding your feeling about teenage sex. Before you hold a discussion with your teen regarding teen sexuality, its okay to consider and check your feelings first:

It’s okay and normal as a parent to consider your teenage sexuality before you discuss your feelings with your teen. It’s not as important to share your experiences, as it is to recognize how you feel about them before you speak with your child. Get your feeling under control and ask yourself what is best for your child before you begin.
Be honest. It’s okay to share your concerns regarding AIDS. But, also share the positive experiences that can occur when one is mature enough to make this personal decision. Write down some talking points before you begin the discussion.
Become educated on the facts. Meet with a trained representative from your church, medical field or community agency that will provide you with information regarding the current issues facing teen sexuality.
Share your feelings regarding this issue with your spouse or significant other. If it’s difficult for you to do this, that’s okay. Sharing your feelings with another adult that you trust is important before you share your feelings with your teen. The adult you share with may provide you with valuable feedback in regards to your objective and subjective feelings.
No parent is 100% ready to discuss sexuality with their teen. Just remember this, no talk is just that, no talk. Give yourself and your teen a chance. The first conversation may be short, argumentative and not what you intended. It may, however, have gone better than you expected. Either way, congratulate yourself for trying!

Telephone and Internet: The telephone and Internet use, especially instant messaging, programs like MySpace.com and other messaging programs has become a real battle for some parents. Some elementary children are now demanding their own cell phone from their parents. More and more schools are establishing policies and procedures against the use electronic devices in school. Here are some practical tips in helping your teen learn to act responsibly with today’s communication technology:

· Set time limits. “You may use the phone from 7:30 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. after your homework is complete.”
· Parents should always be aware of the Internet programs that their teens are using. Many parents have their computer in a room that is public and open for everyone to see.
· Become knowledgeable and stay current with the new trends in communication technology. Ask your child to share what they know about the Internet, what the school rules include, what consequences will occur if an Internet rule is broken. Your Internet rules at home can be aligned with those set up at your school. For example, children are not allowed to go into chat rooms at school.
· Be aware that your child may be using another computer, phone and other devices in other people’s homes when parents are not present. You may want to discuss this with the parents of the children that your teen is with, or set a rule that your teen may not go into homes that don’t have a parent present.
· Hold a discussion with your teen. Listen to their thoughts and concerns regarding phone and Internet privileges. Discuss the dangers and misuses of these devices.

Youth Sports: A Negative Impact?

Today’s Youth and Sports

Some of my greatest life experiences came on the athletic fields and courts. While participating in three high school sports I was fortunate to have been a letter winner in all three and earn a college scholarship to play baseball. Now, after playing and coaching youth sports for over thirty-four years, I have mixed feeling about the benefits of youth sports given the current conditions that surrounds our young athletes. As a high school athlete in the mid 1970’s, I witnessed very little negative parent involvement during athletic events. Football, basketball and baseball all had three month seasons and we did not have to travel for five hours to play a team in a tournament that shared the field with us during practice. I could not have imagined playing 70 baseball games in two months. Good grief. Professional baseball players do not have to play that many games in that time period!

So what’s happening in youth sports? As a parent, are you beginning to wonder if allowing your child to participate is worth the time, energy and dollars? This article focuses on some of the real issues that sports psychologist have researching since the early 1980’s.

In 1986, Alfie Kohn published a book entitled, No Contest: The Case Against Competition. Kohl’s book, which is research based, argues that competition is “poisoning us” and “that our struggle to defeat each other-at work, at school, at play and at home- turns us all into losers.” Kohl’s opening chapter supplies the reader with these words:

“Life for us has become an endless succession of contest. From the moment the alarm clock rings until sleep overtakes us again, from the time that we are toddlers until the day we die, we are busy struggling to outdo other. This is our posture at work and at school, on the playing field and back at home. It is the common denominator of American life.”

For some, Kohl’s word may be extreme, but for others his words hit home. A current article printed by the National Association of Sport Officials, list over 100 reports sent to them annually (since the mid ‘90’s) of extreme fan, parents and youth aggressive behavior that involved assaults, obscenities, threats, hate crimes and more acts of a growing violence in youth sports. Numerous youth sport and official associations throughout the country are claiming to have a difficult time securing coaches and officials due to the current atmosphere in youth sports.

If you are a parent or a fan of youth sports, visit the “Youth Sports & Psychology” section of ScottCounseling.com for more sports psychology and sports mental health information.

Holiday Stress

How To Handle Family Conflict and Holiday Stress

From Elizabeth Scott, M.S.,
Your Guide to Stress Management.
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About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by Steven Gans, MD

The holidays present many opportunities to bond with family, but this time of year can also present significant stress, particularly when family conflict arises. Some conflict can come from having to decide which relatives to see—if any. Here are some ways to divide up your time over the holidays and handle conflicts and holiday stress that may arise.

Difficulty: Average

Time Required: Very Little Extra Time

Here's How:

1. Take Turns With Relatives. If you and your spouse both want to celebrate with your families of origin, if you’re dealing with a divorce situation where not everybody wants to celebrate together, or if you just have a lot of family, it can be stressful deciding who to see, and when. Taking turns is an easy solution. If you see one group in November, see the other in December, or alternate years. Then you can eventually see everybody.
2. Host Celebrations At Your House. If the stress of traveling each year is more than you’d like to handle, you may want to have family over to your home for the holidays. This is also a good solution when you have too many groups or relatives to take turns seeing: invite everyone to celebrate together, and you see everyone more often. While this won’t work in every situation, it can build bonds between groups of relatives that may not know each other very well.
3. Be Prepared For Some Conflict. If you usually have conflict when you get together with your family, it’s a good idea to be prepared for it. I’m not suggesting that you go ‘looking for trouble’, but rather approach the situation with a sense of realism. If your mother always criticizes your appearance or your brother always makes rude jokes, don’t expect them to change their habits; just have a sense of humor about it and remind yourself what you love about them. These articles on dealing with difficult people can also help.
4. Just Say No. If seeing family causes you great amounts of stress each year, it’s okay to say no sometimes. Celebrating with just your partner or kids can be a wonderful alternative to seeing people who make you feel consistently stressed.
5. Surround Yourself With Friends. Many a happy holiday has been formed by groups of people who have decided to celebrate with friends instead of family. Whether you’re unable to travel (or have family who is), or for some other reason find yourself without kin, celebrating with other people you know who are also without family for the day can be a great way to bond with friends and enjoy the spirit of the season.