Total Transformation Program Review - Legit or Scam?

Total Transformation Review

2015-11-30T17:41:00.000-08:00

Total Transformation review by Dr. Scott A. Wardell. Total Transformation Creator James Lehman, has come up with an outstanding step by step parenting workbook, DVD and CD’s program that turns us ordinary parents into extraordinary parenting experts! This program, quit simply, has it all. Whether you are searching for the right technique, strategy or words to end a parent-child struggle, The Total Transformation Program provides real solutions.

How Total Transformation Works

When parents visit ScottCounseling’s Ask A Counselor, they often want to know what words to use and how to speak with their child to end the struggle so that both parties feel they got what they wanted. The Total Transformation Program not only teaches and provides you with the “right words”, but helps you develop the skills necessary to help you become a more confident parent. The program teaches parents how to become better parents through the use of an interactive workbook and CD's. James Lehman breaks parenting down and I guarantee you will learn how and why children behave the way that they do.

Total Transformation Builds Parent Confidence

My Child Argues is one of the top read parenting articles on this site. The Total Transformation Program provides powerful techniques that solves the arguments with your child instantly!

Word by word scripts are provided to teach you how to hold your child accountable. Age- appropriate child consequences are also shared in a manner that leaves the parent feeling guilt-free!

The greatest part of The Total Transformation Program is that’s it’s 100% refundable. No child counseling therapist or child treatment program will provide you with that guarantee.
The creator, James Lehman, has over 30 years of experience in behavior therapy.
Some adolescent and teen counselors actually provide the Total Transformation Program to their clients to borrow.
Cost? The average cost of seeing a child behavioral specialist runs between $80-$150 per session. For the money The Total Transformation is a steal...and, you do not have to give it back!

Weaknesses of the Total Transformation

The program does not work if you buy it and don't use it. Yes, you will have to do some reading and yes, you will have to listen to the CD's. For some, this can be tedious and boring; especially if you are not interested in how kids tick.
With homework and practice, the entire program takes approximately seven weeks to go through. If you do not have the time or parent commitment, this program may not be for you.
You may have to change your parenting style. For some parents, this will be hard and uncomfortable. My suggestion is, if you do not want to change some of your current parenting techniques, save your money.

Strength & Weakness of Total Transformation

The cost: $327, or three monthly payments of $109.

Strength: A seven session professional counseling session with a child behavior specialist would run you about $80 per session or $560 to complete all sessions. Weakness: You may have to give up buying that latte' in the morning or re-prioritize your finances. ScottCounseling.com Rating: !

We act as an affiliate for Legacy Publishing Company.

The Best Way to See How It Works Is to Try It Free

Depression in Teens is Growing in Minnesota and Other States

2012-01-23T10:52:00.000-08:00

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, a number of epidemiological studies, up to an 8.3 percent increase in adolescents in the U.S., suffer from depression. In addition, research indicates that depression onset is occurring earlier in life today than in past decades.
A recently published longitudinal prospective study found that early-onset depression often persists, recurs, and continues into adulthood, and indicates that depression in youth may also predict more severe illness in adult life. Depression in young people often co-occurs with other mental disorders, most commonly anxiety, disruptive behavior, or substance abuse disorders, and with physical illnesses, such as diabetes.

An article released in the Minneapolis Star Tribune shared that “overdoses and suicide-related calls have jumped in metro-area counties, leading to increased crisis training for police officers.” The article also shared that “…two counties have seen their mental health 911 calls, including suicides and attempts, increase by more than 25 percent in the past two years, to more than 2,000 in Anoka and about 1,730 in Dakota county, Minnesota.

Due to the increase, many parents are searching for parenting programs to handle the onslaught of behaviors that comes with teen depression. Those behaviors may include anger, manipulation and disobedience at home. Parents need to seek medical attention from their medical doctor when they begin to see the symptom of depression begin to develop in their teen,

Empowering Parents With Great Parenting Articles

2011-12-06T08:30:00.000-08:00

EmpoweringParents.com is an awesome parenting article Website! This Website offers parents 100's of free parenting article, tips and recommendations that will lead and teach you, the parent, how to succeed as a parent in today's world. Click below...it's FREE!

Discipline & Child Use of Facebook and Other Social Networks

2011-02-07T09:16:00.000-08:00

Now, more than ever, your role as a parent must involve your full attention when it comes to your child’s participation and time spent on the internet. Facebook, MySpace, instant messaging and other social networks all offer great experiences and fun ways to keep your child interacting with friends. However, there are many dangers in making the assumption that your child is always safe online and you need to become an active parent in this part of your child’s life.

ScottCounseling has heard from hundreds of parents who had to make their child use of the internet a discipline issue. Many parents share that their child become angry and even hostile when they are told that they will not be able to go online to meet socially with friends. The following article will help you, the parent strike a balance between appropriate internet safety and inappropriate online use by children.

Children And The Web: Striking The Right Balance With Internet Safety

by: James Druman

The internet now plays a huge role in our lives, and more so than we often know, in the lives of our children. Not only are internet connections typically found at school and at home but mobile technologies mean a growing number of kids even access the internet from places we would never have dreamed. While you may not satisfy your child's "need" for a smart phone, it doesn't mean their friend's parents don't.
With all this easy access to the worldwide web, children are exposed to an onslaught of potentially dangerous information and dangerous interactions with strange people you do not know. Most parents recognize this but feel powerless to do much about that—after all, we don't want to completely cut them off from internet use because, for all the dangers involved, there are also a lot of great benefits to modern communication tools.
So where do we strike the balance?

The first step in gaining some kind of control over how your children use this powerful communication device is, ironically, communication. We cannot completely control how or when our children use the internet, no matter how authoritative we try to become. Our number one step in "defense," if you will, is talking with our children about the dangers.
While completely monitoring every second your child spends online is a bit unreasonable, making rules about giving out personal details or talking with people they do not know is a little more realistic and possible to enforce. So talk with them and explain why the rules exist.
Another great set of tools in the concerned parent's arsenal are filtering programs. Most software designed to filter is set up with different accounts for different members of the family so that each person gets their own password for logging in. You can then set up a filter to make certain types of content off limits for certain users, and while the software is not perfect, it does a pretty good job.
You can also monitor the activity that has occurred on a computer using a certain account and go back later to see what children have been doing. While some parents may not feel comfortable doing this, it may be worth it, and often, just knowing their activities are possibly being scrutinized can be enough to make a child think twice before they view something they know is off-limits.
No matter what software you use, never underestimate the level of savvy children have with computer technology these days. If a child knows their stuff, it is completely possible for them to blast through filters and alter records so you never have a clue what they are doing. Let's face it, we snuck around our parents to listen to rock records or creep out to parties when we were kids, and in the virtual age, our children are bound to do the equivalent from time to time.
Yet another reason why it is much better to communicate with your child and teach them responsible web behavior rather than become the Internet Gestapo.
If you have reason to think your child is being targeted by online predators, which is, by far, the worst danger online, never let the issue go unreported. Keep in mind that even if your child did the right thing and dodged a potential danger thanks to what you have taught them, there are other innocent children out there to be victimized.
Always document any potential threats and report them to the police.

Why Does My Child Act This Way?: Free Parenting Audio Lesson

2010-11-29T08:46:00.000-08:00

Total Transformation

Have you been searching for reasons why your child is defiant, out of control, angry, talking back or displaying oppositional behavior? Listen to an audio example from one of Jame's Lehman's popular at-home parenting program, The Total Transformation Program.

Why Does My Child Act This Way?

To get attention.
Satisfy curiosity.
To fulfill a need.
To avoid doing something
Learned behavior: Watching a family member or friend

What A Parent Can Do To Respond To Inappropriate Child Behavior

Total Transformation Audio Lesson Example (Click Here)

Teen Contracts: Five Steps To Writing A Teen Contract

2010-11-25T14:53:00.000-08:00

Many parents do not realize that most teens need and want to be held accountable for their behavior. One of the main purposes of a teen contract is to take the emotional frustration and disagreements away from any argument while making all parties involved accountable. Writing a teen contract ensures that the parents and teen are communicating and working together to meet the accountability need. A teen contract will provide the teen and parent with a written document that contains expectations (often called rules), consequences, time lines and a process to follow. The teen contract should also provide who is responsibility for “doing what” and the privileges earned by meeting the expectations of the contract.

Teen contracts should be written on paper or may be purchased at: Teen Contracts or Youth Contracts

Five Steps to Writing a Teen Contract

1. Write down who is involved in the contract process. Names and signatures should be written down and signed after all and by all parties who agree.

2. Write the expectation or goal that the teen needs to achieve or accomplish.

3. Write the privilege, incentive or what the teen earned for reaching the goal.

4. Write the consequence, discipline or action to be taken for breaking or not meeting the expectation or goal.

5. Write the start and end date of the contract. This part of the contract may also include who will monitor the contract and who determines if the expectation was achieved or not achieved.

Mediation for Teens and Children in Conflicts

2010-02-08T17:29:00.000-08:00

I Want My Children to Stop Fighting

Help! I Have A Teenager!

2009-12-23T11:58:00.000-08:00

This article is dedicated to all of us parents who have spent sleepless nights, countless hours, countless dollars, and unredeemable worries while contemplating our next strategy to help our teenagers get through another day. It is a necessity to understand that a child development approach to parenting a teen is important.

Do the following statements sound familiar?
“My mom is a control freak. She just won’t leave me alone.”
“My dad is so out of touch! He just doesn’t get it.”
“If my parents only knew what I was going through.”
“They don’t respect me for who I am, so I don’t respect them.”

Would your child say this sounds like you?
“It’s my job to be in control. That’s what parents do!”
“I’m out of touch because you don’t talk to me!”
“If you want to know what it’s like to go through something, come to work with me!”
“That’s the real world.”
“Respect is earned! Give respect and you will get respect!”

Are Parents Really In Charge?

Yes! … and no.
The truth is, you are in charge, but will your child accept that and honor your request? Many teenagers do not accept the fact that you not only have the moral obligation, but the legal obligation to be accountable for many of your teenager’s actions. For example, you may feel your sixteen your old is old enough to stay out past city curfew. Parents can face fines and be taken to court when a teenager breaks this law. You may choose to ignore your teenager’s wish to be truant from school. A court of law may hold you, the parent, legally responsible and even threaten to take your child away if you do not begin to exercise some control.
So, what do you do? Do you yell, scream and fight back? Do you become afraid? Should you show fear and retreat? It’s not easy. The fact is, you have to be in control while you give up control at the same time. The following paragraphs will explore and provide you with some parenting strategies and child development guides in being in control while you allow your teen to begin to become independent. One of the real keys to parenting a teen is balance and setting limits.

Using a Balance Approach To Parenting

Parents who take control and learn to become comfortable in making major decisions in regards to the welfare of their teen, while providing the teen with room to grow, is a parent using a balanced approach. A balanced approach to parenting includes making financial decisions for the teen while teaching financial responsibility. It includes saying “no” when it comes to safety issues, such as unsupervised internet usage, but “yes,” when it comes to an agreement on what, when, and where the internet will be used. Balanced parenting includes negotiation with limits.
“Yes, you may go to your friends house if the friend’s parents are home and I speak with the parents first.”
“No, you may not stay out past 11:00 p.m. because the city curfew law for your age is set at that time.”
“Yes, you may put poster in your bedroom, but the posters may not be offensive to anyone else in this family.”
Child development experts encourage parents to pick their battles. You may decide to give up on your teen’s messy bedroom, but put your foot down to her listening to music with inappropriate language. You may decide not to go to battle over your son wanting to pierce his ear. Instead, you are going to spend your energy on helping him give up smoking. Parents who gain control by giving up some control are balanced parents.

Setting Limits When Parenting

Successful parenting involves setting limits. Teen survey after survey seems to indicate that they need and want set limits. Setting limits makes us all feel more secure. Can you imagine driving the freeways with no set speed limits? Most teens understand why schools have set limits or rules. These limits or rules are established the first day that school begins for one reason; to help everyone feel more secure. Below are some considerations to keep in mind while setting limits.
Setting limits favors the teen’s overall welfare, safety, and continual growth. While setting limits parents need to feel comfortable in standing behind what is set. Do the set limits reflect your teen’s age and maturity level? Setting limits does not mean that you’re not flexible. In fact, balanced parents are flexible.
It’s important to take in to account your child’s overall performance when setting limits. Some teens can handle and show good judgment while making decisions in regards peer relationships. The limits set here may be more relaxed.
Setting limits involves discussion. Parents who have regular family and individual meetings with their teen to set limits teach their child the importance of communication and responsible decision-making. Some discussions may involve negotiations. To negotiate means to come to agreement through discussion. Not everything is negotiable.

Open for Discussion and Negotiation
Time to be with friends
How you clean your bedroom
Study habits
Special occasion curfews
TV, telephone, and computer use

Not Open for Discussion and Negotiation

Use of Drugs and chemicals
Music with profanity
Attending school
Doing chores and helping around the house
Treating others and self with respect
Battles You May Skip with Your Teen: It’s Against the Law

Most, if not all, counties across the country have set limits and rules that you and your child have to follow. You do not have to battle your teen about these limits, but you do have a responsibility to help your child learn and follow these rules:

School Attendance: School attendance is mandatory across the country. Most states require that teenagers remain in school until the age of sixteen with some states making it mandatory until eighteen. State law is on your side on this matter. However, parents who are successful in setting limits also stay involved in their teen’s education by being aware of their child’s progress in school. Teens who have proven that they can achieve high academic standards set by their school can be given more responsibility. Poor academic performance by your teen may require more of your time checking progress reports, parent portals (internet connection to teacher’s records and grades), and communicating with teachers. Let your teen know that you care enough to stay involved, but not to the point of managing all their school affairs.
Curfew: Most counties and cities across the country have set limits for teens regarding curfew. Check with your local county office, police station, or school officials for curfew rules. These rules may also be found on most county Web sites.

Driving a Vehicle: State law and vehicle use regulations are set in each state across the country. You may pick up a set of these rules and regulations at any state motor vehicle-testing site, drivers education agencies, and school driver education programs.
Chemical and Drug Use: State and federal laws prohibits the use or consumption of alcohol by any teenager. Parents who allow their children to consume alcohol under the age of 21 may be held accountable for their child’s actions. It’s illegal to possess or distribute marijuana in the United States. Some states have set various amounts or weight limits in regards to prosecutable offenses. It’s also illegal to sell, use, or distribute prescription medication without medical doctor’s consent.
It’s important to let your child know that everyone has to follow these rules. It’s out of your hands. As parents, it’s important that we set an example by following and expecting our teens to follow these rules. Limits are not only set in our homes, they are set in our society.

It’s Not Against The Law, but…
Dating and Sexual Activity: Many parents have found out the hard way that “zero tolerance” rules regarding dating may only lead a teen into secrecy and zero communication. Be open, honest and realistic with your teen when it comes to dating. It would be better for your teen to agree to introduce you to their boy or girlfriend than to secretly work behind your back. It was once thought that girls have “more to lose” than boys when it comes to dating. But, the fact is that many boys are now being emotionally abused and it’s just as important for parents to communicate with their son regarding dating issues, as it is their daughter. Some school surveys are indicating that date rape is occurring at a rate of 1 to 5 with girls between the ages of 16 to 21 years of age.

It’s important that every parent convey his or her thoughts, moral beliefs and concerns that they may have regarding teen sexuality. It appropriate to teach your child that there’s a time and place for everything in life. It’s important to recognize that sexuality may be one of the ultimate expressions of intimacy and love. However, sex can be dangerous.

An unwanted pregnancy, venereal disease or exploited sexual experiences occur often with teens that lack parental guidance. Most schools have human growth and anatomy curriculums that begin as early as 5th grade to help teach your child the basic facts of human sexuality. Whether you agree or disagree with the curriculum is not as important as your taking the time to discuss this issue with your teen. Research indicates that nearly 50% of all teens are sexually active by the time they graduate from high school. The American Medical Association reports the following:

Each year, roughly 1 million teenage girls get pregnant in the United States.
The average age of first sexual intercourse is 16.
Approximately 20% of teenagers smoked pot in the last month.
50% of all 8th grades and 80% of all 12th graders have tried alcohol.
These statistics make it even more important to have conversations with our teens. You do not have to be a “Parent of the Year” to have a discussion with your teen regarding your feeling about teenage sex. Before you hold a discussion with your teen regarding sexuality, its appropriate to consider your values, feelings and level of comfort. You may also want to take the time to consider and reflect on these important points as well:
1) It’s appropriate and normal as a parent to reflect back on your teen sexuality before you discuss your feelings with your teen. It’s not as important to share your experiences, as it is to recognize how you feel about them before you speak with your child. Get your feeling under control and ask yourself what is best for your child before you begin.
2) Be honest. It’s appropriate to share your concerns regarding AIDS. But, also share the positive experiences that can occur when one is mature enough to make this personal decision. Write down some talking points before you begin the discussion.
3) Become educated on the facts. Meet with a trained representative from your child’s school, religious organization, medical field or community agency that will provide you with information regarding the current issues facing teen sexuality.
4) Share your feelings regarding this issue with your spouse or significant other. Many parents have a difficult time discussing this topic with their teen. Discussing your feelings with another adult that you trust is important before you share with your teen. The adult you share with may provide you with valuable feedback in regards to your objective and subjective feelings.
5) No parent is 100% ready to discuss sexuality with their teen. Just remember this, no talk is just that, no talk. Give yourself and your teen a chance. The first conversation may be short, argumentative and not what you intended. It may, however, have gone better than you expected. Either way, congratulate yourself for trying!

Teens Using Telephone and Internet

The telephone and Internet use, especially instant messaging, programs like MySpace.com and other messaging programs has become a real battle for some parents. Some elementary children are now demanding their own cell phone from their parents. More and more schools are establishing policies and procedures against the use electronic devices in school. Here are some practical tips in helping your teen learn to act responsibly with today’s communication technology:

Set time limits for teen cell phone use: “You may use the phone from 7:30 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. after your homework is complete.” Parents should always be aware of the Internet programs that their teens are using. Many parents have their computer in a room that is public and open for everyone to see.

Become knowledgeable and stay current with the new trends in communication technology. Ask your child to share what they know about the Internet, what the school rules include, what consequences will occur if an Internet rule is broken. Your Internet rules at home can be aligned with those set up at your school. For example, children are not allowed to go into chat rooms at school.

Be aware that your child may be using another computer, phone and other devices in other people’s homes when parents are not present. You may want to discuss this with the parents of the children that your teen is with, or set a rule that your teen may not go into homes that don’t have a parent present.
Hold a discussion with your teen. Listen to their thoughts and concerns regarding phone and Internet privileges. Discuss the dangers and misuses of these devices.

Child development and parenting are important topics! Even though the task may not be easy, many parents have succeeded in raising a healthy, respectful teen. You can too!

I Hate Homework Battles!

2009-12-11T15:21:00.000-08:00

Some of our biggest parenting frustrations come when we have to nightly battle our children to do their homework. Many parents are searching reasonable. If you are one of those parents who wants to put an end the homework battles in your home, read the following two Homework Solution Articles:

Homework Hell? Part I: How to Turn It Around

Homework Hell? Part II: 7 Real Techniques That Work

Difficult or Challenging Child

2009-12-01T14:42:00.000-08:00

Parents with difficult or challenging children need to assess what is or has happened in the child’s life. Was their a death, trauma, change or surprising event that took place? Was, or is their a family change due to a divorce, death or move? Is there any medical condition that is or has taken place with your child or someone close to the child? If your child has some pressing medical condition, see the child medical doctor and share your concerns. Inform your child’s school counselor with information regarding a death, divorce or trauma related incident. The school counselor may provide you with information, names and referral options for your child to see an outside school counselor or psychologist if necessary.

Meet with your child and set ground rules behavior. Be specific and put the plan in writing.

Set up a “talking” plan. This is a plan that defines how you and your child are going to behave while you are talking to each other. For example:

1) We will speak in our school or restaurant voice (no yelling)
2) We will listen and not speak while the other person is talking
3) We will not use foul or inappropriate language such as
4) We will say how the situation makes us feel
5) We will summarize what the other person is saying to make sure we understand what has been said, and 6) We will come up with some workable solutions.

Pick your battles. As parents we can’t go after everything. For example, you may need to give up your desire for the child to have a picked up bedroom. You are, however not going to allow your child to swear or use inappropriate language.
If your child is angry, depressed, anxious or not eating or sleeping well, see your family medical doctor. Your family doctor may have some medical answers to help you and your child. Listen and follow your doctor’s suggestions. Get a second medical opinion if you have concerns about your doctor’s recommendations. If the second doctor is telling you similar or the same recommendations, it may be time to act of those recommendations.

Tell you child that you are going to hang in their with him or her. No matter what happens your child needs to know that you love him or her!

I Want To Change My Child's Behavior Problem Quickly!

2009-11-30T08:50:00.000-08:00

Parenting is about using the right words...

Is you child acting out? Are you searching for a strategy with words to change his or her inappropriate behavior quickly? You are not alone. Parenting is a learning process that takes time, courage and the willingness to team with parenting experts, like James Lehman, who teaches you, through the use of The Total Transformation Program, how to quickly put and end to poor child behavior quickly. Listen to the recording below.

...and the right actions at the right time.

Click and listen...

Children and Internet Safety: Put Your Child On A Internet Safety Contract

2009-11-26T08:28:00.000-08:00

Thirty years ago, computer use was considered to be a luxury by most Americans. Today, 55 million children use a computer to use the Internet on a weekly basis. The computer Internet service has provided many of our schools and homes with a great tool to help our students improve their academic performance. The World Wide Web provides our children with instant access to information regarding current news events, historical facts, mathematical solutions, foreign language resources, spelling and grammar help and hundreds of other academic information all just a click away!

What about the Internet dangers that includes cyberbullies, online predators and sexually explicit materials? The Parent Coach Plan provides parents with Behavior Contract for Teens or Behavior Contracts for Youth that will help you and your child come up with a safety agreement while surfing the Internet.

Positive Child Internet Use

The Internet has not only provided business, research, communication and networking by adults around the world, it has allowed our children to improve that academic performance at an astounding rate. The following are just some of the advantages that the Internet provides our children:

Information & Fact Finding
Research
Reading
Problem-solving
Communication
Arts and Design
Study Skills
Networking
Problem Solving
Critical Thinking Skills

These positive services provided by the Internet have allowed many of our students to become more independent and creative thinkers. This process promotes positive self-esteem and personal growth.

Online Internet Dangers: Put Your Child on an Internet Contract

According to one national survey done by the NAC, 93% of parents report that they are aware of where and how their children use the Internet. Yet only 62% of middle school students and 42 of high school students stated that they tell their parents where and what they do on the Internet. The following are the most common concerns that parents need to become aware of when they allow their child to use the Internet.

Child development experts recommend placing children using the internet on a plan or internet use contract. The contract should include some or all of the safety tips recommented by the U.S. government:

There are some very important things that you need to keep in mind when you allow your child to use the computer at home or at school. The following tips should be written into an internet safety contract or behavior plans.

    * First, remember never to give out personal information such as your name, home address, school name, or telephone number in a chat room or on bulletin boards. Also, never send a picture of yourself to someone you chat with on the computer without your parent's permission.

    * Never write to someone who has made you feel uncomfortable or scared.

    * Do not meet someone or have them visit you without the permission of your parents.

    * Tell your parents right away if you read anything on the Internet that makes you feel uncomfortable.

    * Remember that people online may not be who they say they are. Someone who says that "she" is a "12-year-old girl" could really be an older man.

Easy Going Parent Needs Help

2009-11-23T10:26:00.000-08:00

Most good parents hate the idea of causing their child grief. They don’t want to incite a tantrum, and they certainly don’t their child to be angry at them.

But setting limits is an important part of good parenting. Infants' wants are identical to their needs. But over time, that changes. Toddlers' wants are often in direct opposition to their long-term developmental needs and safety. When parents don't make that developmental leap and learn to set limits, their children don't develop the ability to tolerate frustration or to manage themselves. These children are often referred to by others as “spoiled.”

Kids need limits for healthy emotional development. They do no need unreasonable limits and definitely not weak limits. When parents don't set limits, here's what happens:

1. The parents grant desires that should not be granted and have harmful consequences may occur. For example, regularly staying up too late, which results in a cranky and exhausted child who is not up to completing routine tasks.

2. The child’s desires are met at the expense of someone else: a sibling, the parent, the restaurant where the family has gone to dinner, etc. The child also learns that she always gets her way in relationships, which of course, will make it hard for her to make friends.

3. The child learns that disappointment and sadness are not a part of his or her life. When the child realizes that the parents will do almost anything for him or her to prevent disappointment, the child may spend the rest of life doing whatever is necessary to avoid feeling what she fears through the parents. Keep a child from disappointment may cause the child to do things that end up being destructive. This may include cheating, stealing and other acts of behavior to reach a desired goal in an appropriate manner.

4. The child never learns to impose limits on him or herself. Imposing self limits is a crucial for self management and discipline. Self-discipline is a skills that help us to strive to set and reach goals. When one sets and reaches a goal they are more apt to feel happier and satisfied with themselves.

5. The child never learns that happiness is not derived from wish fulfillment or desire, but from accomplishment.

6. The child has a much harder time developing stable internal happiness. They become more dependent on outside circumstance caused by other.. What does that mean?

Stable internal happiness comes from having one’s full range of self acceptance. When a child learns that he or she control their own feelings of anger, sadness and/or disappointment. They are more apt to do something about it. Parents who take this away send the message that part of the child’s self is not acceptable.

7. Children need to know that their parents have a different role than they do. It's a parent job to keep a child safe. When adults say “Kids will test the limits,” they mean kids want and need limits because they want someone to be in charge. Children who grow up with little or no limits often feel more insecure.

How to become a parent that sets limits

Parenting A Child That Says "I Hate You"

2009-11-16T10:06:00.000-08:00

Those three words from your child can cause you to feel hurt, fear, frustration, anger and sadness. These words when shared by a child toward the parent most often humble our already fragile parenting existence. And if you've yet to experience those words, the dreaded "I hate you" will come to your ears sooner or later.

Most of the time, your child may scream it at you in anger for not buying something at the store or providing something at he or she desires.

You may also hear it yelled at you during a fit of rage or a force of manipulation when the child does not get his or her way. No matter how “I Hate You” is presented from the child, it most often stops a parent in their tracks and challenges the parent to go into a defensive mode of operation.

According to James Lehman, creator of The Total Transformation Program, when a child says, "I hate you," the child is really saying, "You won’t let me go out tonight, so I’m going to talk hatefully to you so you’ll get upset and give in." “Maybe sometimes you do hate me. But I’m still not letting you go out tonight.”

Five Ways A Parent Can Respond To “I Hate You!”

Stop and wait before you respond: If hearing “I hate you” upsets you, it’s best to talk about it after you compose yourself, get your feelings together (the actions of anger out of your mind) and allow the moment to pass. Later in the day, or even the next day, in a friendly, upbeat manner say, “I understand that you were mad at me yesterday when you said, ‘I hate you,’ but in our house we don’t talk like that because it’s hurtful.” Spend time with your child discussing another way to let you know when he or she is angry or frustrated with you.
Recognize the child’s feelings by listening: Anger does not go away just because you tell a child, “It’s not nice to feel that way,” or “You shouldn’t feel that way.” Anger loses its intensity when you begin to recognize and accept that the child has feelings. Once you have recognized the child’s feelings you can begin to establish guidelines for the inappropriate behavior.
Help the child come up with other feeling words besides “I hate you:” While discussing and setting limits in #3, asked the child to share other feeling words. Sometimes children will share, “I really need that item because all my friends have it.” As a parent you can respond by saying, “I want to hear and understand where you are coming from. What pressure do you feel when others have what you don’t have?” Center your conversation on this instead of the displaced anger.
Remain calm: Or, as the kids say, “don't freak out.” For children, being upset with parents, teachers and any authority figure, for that matter, is normal. Notice that I said “normal.” This does not mean that it’s “right,” or acceptable for a child to behave in this manner.

Finally, it’s a good idea to let your children know that even we (parents) have feelings of anger and even hatred. Also share that “these feelings are natural and usually do not last long.” Tell your child that you love him or her. Always try to your day by saying “I love you.”

One of the advantages of using James Lehman's Total Transformation Program is that his program teaches you the words to say in step-by-step parenting lessons.

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Prescription Use and Abuse Among Teenagers

2009-10-12T12:16:00.000-07:00

The University of Maine published some interesting facts regarding prescription use with teens in the United States.

One of the fastest growing trends with teenage prescription drug abuse is the Pharm Party. These are parties where each person brings bottles of prescription medications that they can find to a party where the medications are then put into a punch bowl for everybody to take like candy. Other names for this are “skittling” and fish bowling”.

Nearly one in five teens report abusing prescription medications to get high.

Teens are misusing everything from pain relievers to stimulants, sedatives and tranquilizers. Many teens believe that prescription drugs are safer than alcohol or illicit

According to results taken from the 2006 Maine Youth Drug and Alcohol Use Survey, an average of 12% of teenagers from grade 6 through 12 across the state reported experimenting with prescription drugs.

Youth prescription drug abuse is a serious problem. About 1 in 5 Maine youth grades 9-12 report having used a prescription drug not prescribed to them to get high. Non-medical use of prescription drugs is the second most popular category of drug abuse after marijuana.

What Can Parents Do to Reduce Prescription Abuse or Misuse?

Do not keep medications stockpiled in your home and keep careful track of your prescriptions
Talk with your child about the dangers of using prescription medications that are not prescribed by a doctor
Utilize local prescription mail-back or collection programs to dispose of your unused/unwanted medications

How do I get my child to listen to me? Parenting Techniques That Work

Test Taking: Improving Your Math Test Scores

2009-04-06T12:12:00.000-07:00

Practice! Practice! Practice!

The best method to begin using to improve any score in life is to practice. Children who learn early in life to enjoy practicing often achieve their goals. Besides practicing, here are some other helpful hints to improve math test scores:

Before Taking the Test

Practice problems for each topic that will be tested. Be able to solve a math problem for each topic listed in the math section or chapter.
Show all your work when solving a problem.
Use the book or your notes first when you are having a difficult time solving a practice problem.
Ask for help! Stay after class or school and ask the teacher or another student for help.
Don’t say that you “understand” when you don’t understand. Ask for another example.
Memorize the formulas or math rules that apply.
Complete the math section or chapter review example test question. Some text book companies have extra chapter review test online.

While taking the Test

Read each question carefully.
Answer all parts of the question asked.
Show all your work!
Before beginning the test, write all the math formulas that apply on the corner of the test.
If you are not sure that you are solving a problem correctly, leave the work that you completed on your test. You may scores some points for trying to solve the problem.

Does your child have a hard time focusing?

I Want To Die

2009-04-06T12:06:00.000-07:00

If you are in crisis, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK

Why Smart Kids Get Bullied

2009-03-14T14:13:00.000-07:00

Are you a smart student who often becomes the victim of a bully? This article will help you beat the bully at his or her own game. Parents searching for answers to help their intelligent child stop being the victim of bully attacks will find this article full of anti-bully tips and bully victim proof ideas. Where do the tips and ideas come from? - an actual bully in his letter to you and you child entitled:

Dear Bully Victim,

Here’s some reason’s why I bully you:

You make yourself an easy target. I look for kids who talk too much, think they are smarter than everyone else and try hard to standout. I also look for kids her are super shy and just stand there after I tease them.

I also bully other people because I was bullied. In 4th and 5th grade I got picked on. Kids told me that I was stupid and ugly. One time when I got mad at a kid bullying me, I took his schoolbooks and other stuff and threw it all over the hallway. We both got suspended from school, but becoming a bully stopped others from teasing me.

Finally, I do not like myself. Even though others may think I am tough, I am really afraid. I’m not afraid of people, I’m afraid the people like you will find out that I am not any good at math and reading. Even though I am in the 7th grade, I can only read 3rd grade books and do 4th grade math.

Here’s some tips to help you stop me from picking on you:

Don’t spend all your time trying to be smart. I hate it when I am in your social studies class and you put down my ideas by telling others that I don’t have any good ideas. I also don’t like it when you answer all the questions that the teachers ask. You may be smart, but, most you make yourself a victim of us bullies when you think you have all the answers.

Become friends or at least be nice to kids who get picked on. If someone would have become my friend, or at least be nicer to me when I was younger, I might not have become a bully. In fact, you and I might have become friends.

Ask me for my advice. Oh, I might not be super nice to you because I might not feel I have any good ideas, but it’s good to know that at least someone thinks I have some brains. I might be nicer to you if you just give me a chance.

Walk away from me. Yes, sometime you are better off just ignoring my behavior. I know your parents want you to always tell them when you are getting picked on, but lighten up. Just because I gave you a funny look and sat in your lunch seat, just walk away and find another seat.
Okay, now it’s time to tell on me! When I took your stuff, hit you in the back of the head and called you a bad word…TELL AN ADULT!! You might be afraid, but really you are helping me. Don’t worry, your not a snitch; you’re actually helping me to change. You might be afraid that I will “get you” for telling on me, but most of the time, the teachers, principal or school counselors don’t give me you name. They just tell me that a teacher or another adult saw me do or say something bad to you. As long as you don’t do anything bad back to me, I probably won’t know you told on me unless your brag about it to other kids.

Demanding Child

2009-03-10T13:47:00.000-07:00

My Child Is Demanding

It’s not unusual for Children to begin to make some kind of demanding remarks between the ages of two and four years of age. This behavior is often a test given by a child to test parent limits and boundaries. Children who are demanding often are seeking control or may be facing some stress in their life. Parents who avoid stopping a child’s inappropriate demands may only be reinforcing such behaviors and allowing the child to develop a false sense of pride and security. Furthermore, there is growing research that supports the notion that demanding children become teenagers who feel they are “entitled” and “owed” whatever demands they make. Children need to learn early in life that they need a balance between giving and receiving.

Steps in parenting a Demanding Child

• Sit down with your child and discuss the difference between demanding behavior and polite, respectful request. It’s appropriate for a parent to let that child know that he or she is being demanding and need rephrase or change their voice tone when asking for something.
• Let your child know that they are going to get some of their request met with the answer “yes” and some met with the answer “no.” It’s okay to say “no.”
• It’s important for parents to model appropriate request when interacting with others. Parents who demonstrate demanding behaviors in front of their children only promote and reinforce this behavior. Talk to your children in a manner that you want them to speak to you.
• Teach your child the manners of “please” and “thank you.”
• Be calm and do not appear to be surprised when your child becomes demanding. Then say, “is there another way that you can say that?” Sometimes children do not know that they are being demanding.
• Do not give in to your child’s demands.
• Ignore your child’s demanding behaviors. Respond to your child’s polite request. Over time, responding only to polite behavior will reinforce the behavior expected.
• Communicate with the other parent or adults when your child’s behavior takes on demanding tendencies. This will prevent the child from going to others with their inappropriate demands.
• Make sure that your child gets your attention when he or she is acting appropriately. Demanding children often display this behavior to get the parent’s attention.
• Before bringing your child to the store or mall, review with the child your expectations of this trip and what you expect of them. It’s okay to let the child know “that we do not have the money to buy you a game on this trip to the store.”
• Let your child know that it’s not appropriate to make demands of you in front of their friends or in public. Make a rule in your house that says, “When you make demands of mom or dad in front of your friends, the answer to the demand will always be ‘no’.”
• Do not use physical force in response to your child’s demands. This may only influence the child to become more physically demanding on you an other later in their lives. Remember, stay calm.

I am a parent searching for a program that teaches me to: Stifle The Demanding Child

Is My Child Developing At A Normal Rate?

2009-02-04T10:06:00.000-08:00

It’s important for parents to become aware of the “normal” developmental stages in a child’s life. This is especially true for children who are progressing through the first five years of growth and development. This article provides parents with child development traits, characteristics and human growth and development patterns to look for before and as your child enters the school.

6 Month Old Child

rolls from stomach to back
reaches for toy
transfers toy from one hand to other
looks for noise made near him or her
makes sounds for specific reasons (hunger, wet, etc.)
helps hold bottle while drinking
plays with toes
pats mirror image
puts everything in his or her mouth
follows toys when held in front of eyes and moved

1 Year Old Child

sits without support
pulls to stand
crawls on all fours
understands "no" and "bye-bye"
repeats sounds made by others
feeds self cookies (may not be neat)
waves bye-bye
shy with strangers
turns pages of book (more than one at a time)

2 Year Old Child

walks well
carries toy while walking
speaks several understandable words
refers to self by name
recognizes self in mirror
feeds self with spoon (may spill)
drinks from a cup
occupies self in play
plays with an adult
builds a tower of blocks
shows body parts (eyes, nose, foot) when asked

3 Year Old Child

goes up steps, two feet on a step
walks on tiptoe
runs easily
unwraps candy
names objects such as toys and food
speaks in three word sentences, "me go home."
pulls off sock as part of undressing
helps adults by putting away toys and clothes (when asked)
turns pages one at a time
recites nursery rhymes
shows interest in TV and radio

4 Year Old Child

walks up steps, one foot on each step
picks up small objects easily
unbuttons buttons
tells stories
speaks in complete sentences, "I want a cookie"
dresses self
feeds self well
washes face and hands
is toilet trained
gets along with other children
imitates adults doing simple tasks
builds a tower of 10 blocks
copies a circle
matches some objects and colors

5 Year Old Child

hops and skips on one foot
marches in time
catches a ball with his or her hands
speaks clearly and can be understood by others not in the family
brushes his or her teeth
cares for all toilet needs
follows two directions, "Go get the ball and throw it to me"
recognizes shapes
copies a square, circle, triangle and cross
recognizes coins
counts to four

If your child is not advancing at the developmental stage that you feel is appropriate, contact your child's pediatrician or medical doctor today. Go to Ask A Counselor for additional help.

Cancer and Children: What Schools Can Do To Help

2009-01-25T09:07:00.000-08:00

Each year, tens of thousands of children are diagnosed with cancer. One of the best psychological and emotional treatments is to allow the child (if physically capable) to continue to attend school. Allowing the child to be with his or her peers, to continue on with a daily routine and schedule, will often lead to positive psychological effects. To make this happen, the family, treatment facility and school need to “team” to come up with a practical plan. The team should include the child, the parent(s) or guardian(s) and cancer treatment facility staff. Many treatment facilities have family social workers, case managers, nurses, doctors and educational specialist that are capable of participating on this team. The child’s school counselor, school social worker and school nurse are capable of representing the school. It’s not necessary, in most cases, of getting everyone together in one room for a meeting, but important to have at least one representative from the treatment center, school and family communicating.

The following considerations need to be made while planning an appropriate school plan for a child who has been diagnosed with cancer:

Is the child capable of attending school for a full or partial school day?
Does the child have special transportation needs?
Does the child’s school schedule need to be changed or modified?
Does the hospital or treatment facility have specific diet recommendations for the child and school to follow?
What are the treatment facilities recommendations for the school nurse, school social worker or counselor?
Can the child still participate in extra-curricular activities that the school offers? These activities to discuss include sports, drama and school clubs.
Pressure and stress: The team needs to discuss the physical and emotional demands that the child may be facing. Stress “triggers” can change daily. The treatment plans that are flexible often have a better chance of succeeding.
If the child going through chemotherapy and losing hair, will the child be allowed to wear a hat in school? What other school rules need to be modified or changed to meet the child’s needs, or places the child in a rule exception situation?

Children who have cancer need everyone’s help and support. When treatment facilities, families and schools come together and “team” to support a child diagnosed with cancer, the child is given a better chance and options to reduce stress and succeed in feeling good about his or her day.

For counseling help for children with cancer, go to: Ask A Counselor

My Queue Link Directory

Organization: Get Yourself & Your Family Organized

2009-01-02T07:47:00.000-08:00

It’s hard to teach your children about the importance of organization when you have a difficult time getting organized yourself. So, let’s start getting organized together. Yes, start a “Let’s Get Organized As a Family Plan.” Here’s how:

Sit down with your spouse, significant other and/or family members.
Discuss the topic of organization: What it is and why it is important?
Divide your organization plan into two parts:
Individual organization
Family organization

Write down the answers for the following questions:

What are your personal goals in life?
Where do you want to be five years from now?
What are your 1st, 2nd, 3rd (so on) priorities in your life?

Tips To Getting & Staying Organized

Make a “To Do List.” Make one for you and one for the family. Place your list in a private area where you can see it daily. Place “family list” in an open area for all to see.

Break down large or overwhelming tasks into smaller tasks.
Prioritize your projects or task.
Set deadlines! Set a date when you or your family wants to get the task done.
Do unpleasant tasks first.
Strive to keep up with paperwork. This involves doing homework on a regular basis for the kids and updating the checkbook for the parents.
Hire a professional organizer. Yes, this may be a great option!

My child has a problem focusing. Total Focus Program

Children Online: Signs That Your Child Is Not Safe

2009-01-01T14:39:00.000-08:00

Computers opens a whole new world of possibilities for children. As they begin to expanding their horizons on the computer, children are exposed to different cultures and ways of life. They can also be exposed to dangers as they hit the road exploring the information highway. There are individuals who attempt to sexually exploit children through the use of on-line services and the Internet. Some of these individuals gradually seduce their targets through the use of attention, affection, kindness, and even gifts.

These individuals are often willing to devote considerable amounts of time, money, and energy in this process. They listen to and empathize with the problems of children. These are aware of the latest music, hobbies, and interests of children. They gradually, over time, lower children's inhibitions by slowly introducing sexual context and content into their conversations.

Signs That Your Child Is Not Safe Online

Your child spends large amounts of time on-line, especially at night.

You find pornography on your child's computer.

Your child receives phone calls from men you don't know.

Your child turns the computer monitor off or quickly changes the screen when you enter the room.

Your child becomes withdrawn.

Your child is using an on-line account belonging to someone else.

What To Do If You Suspect Your Child Is Not Safe Online

Consider talking openly with your child about your suspicions. Tell them about the dangers of computer-sex offenders.

Review what is on your child's computer. If you don't know how, ask a friend, coworker, relative, or other knowledgeable person. Pornography or any kind of sexual communication can be a warning sign.

Use the Caller ID service to determine who is calling your child. Most telephone companies that offer Caller ID also offer a service that allows you to block your number from appearing on someone else's Caller ID.

Telephone companies also offer an additional service feature that rejects incoming calls that you block. This rejection feature prevents computer-sex offenders or anyone else from calling your home anonymously.

Devices can be purchased that show telephone numbers that have been dialed from your home phone. Additionally, the last number called from your home phone can be retrieved provided that the telephone is equipped with a redial feature. You will also need a telephone pager to complete this retrieval. The last number called from that phone will then be displayed on the pager.Monitor your child's access to all types of live electronic communications (i.e., chat rooms, instant messages, Internet Relay Chat, etc.), and monitor your child's e-mail.

Computer-sex offenders almost always meet potential victims via chat rooms. Be very cautious of allowing your child to enter a chat room.

Parents Help With Homework?

2008-12-29T12:23:00.000-08:00

Although schools are one primary source for your children's education, parents play a role in supporting their children by providing encouragement, material supply support and basic survival needs.

Here are several ways in which parents can help:

Make sure that your children to school each day, well-rested, fed and with a positive outlook.
Show interest in your children's schooling. Ask specific questions about what happens at school each day and how your children feel about it.
Be positive. Avoid letting any of your past negative school experiences keep you from supporting and encouraging your child's learning. Let them know how much you care about education by continuing your own learning both informally and formally, to impress its importance upon them.
Set up a consistent, quiet, comfortable study area with good lighting. Provide appropriate school supplies that your children need. This can be almost anyplace in your home; you don't need a special room.
Set a family "quiet time" where you and your children can work together on homework, reading, letter writing and playing games.
Allow your children to study in their personal space and manner. For example, some children work best when they're lying on the floor with background music playing.
Make homework a daily routine. Help your children develop good homework habits.

Homework: My Child Seems Bored

2008-12-29T10:50:00.000-08:00

Parent Question "My child is bored by homework. Is this normal? What Can I do?"

Yes, it's normal for students not to want to do their homework. But if your child always seems bored or unhappy, you need to try to find out the reason by talking with your child. Then talk with the teacher to come up with a solution.

Teachers want students to learn from homework; not to become bored or frustrated. Tell the teacher if your child thinks the homework is too easy or too hard. This will help the teacher match homework with student ability and maturity levels.

Other tips include:

Providing your child with some helpful homework hints that includes their interest. For example, if he has a choice on what topic to write about, choose an area of interest. Go to museums or other community centers that encourage academic lessons outside the school.
Set up your child to do homework with his or her friends that share the same class. Set up a time for study and a time for fun.
Ask your child's teacher(s) if they have a homework helpline, Web page or assignment page on the school Website.
Avoid spending hours of homework time when your child is frustrated. Share this concern with your child's teacher(s). Most schools promote a time limit of 1 hour of homework in elementary, 2 for middle school and 3 for high school students.

Parenting Homework Tips

2008-12-29T10:23:00.000-08:00

The National Education Association supports parent in their quest to assist their children in doing homework The following helpful homework tips will keep you, the parent, and your child to team together to make homework more enjoyable. One key point to consider is: Homework is for your child, not for you. Your job as a parent is to provide support, encouragement and some guiding options to problem-solve.

Homework Hints To Help Your Child

Assume that your children will have studying to do every night.
Ask your children if they understand their homework. If they do not, work a few examples together.
Ask your children to show you their homework after the teacher returns it, to learn where they're having trouble and where they're doing well. See if your children did the work correctly.
Stay in touch with your children's teachers. Ask about their classes and what they are studying. Ask their teachers how you can support what they are studying (flash cards, spelling, etc.).
Remember, you and their teachers want the same thing — to help your children learn.
Don't be afraid to get in touch with the teacher if you and your child don't understand an assignment or if your child is having a great deal of trouble. Almost all parents run into these problems, and teachers are glad to help.
Don't do your children's work for them. Help them learn how to do it themselves.
Show your children that you think homework is important. If you are at work during homework time, ask to see their work when you get home.
Praise your children for doing well. Make praise a habit.
Maintain a portfolio of "best pieces."
Ask your school about tips or guides for helping your children develop good study habits.
Help older students organize their assignments by recording them on calendars or planners, along with due dates, dates turned in, etc.

Finding A Babysitter: Steps to Follow

2008-12-27T18:32:00.000-08:00

Finding a qualified babysitter to care for your child is a responsibility which most parents have to do as an important time in parenting. While the task may not be fun, the time and effort you put into it is well worth it. Knowing that your child is safe and well cared for while you are away will give you peace of mind.

Steps In Finding A Babysitter

Investigate all of your resources.
Ask relatives, friends, neighbors and co-workers for the names of babysitters they can recommend.
Look on community bulletin boards in grocery stores, schools, laundromats for babysitting notices.
Check with local churches, synagogues or other places of worship. Sometimes they maintain a list of members who are interested in babysitting.
Read the Classified sections of your local newspaper under such headings as Child Care.
Put your own ad in the local paper, community bulletin or college job board. Tailor your ad to the specifics of your need: what hours, days and qualifications you are looking for.

Step To Interviewing Babysitters

Always interview the prospective babysitter.
Recommendations are helpful, but your own evaluation and judgment are the best guides in selecting a babysitter for your child.
Tell the baby sitter about your children and the needs and expectations for the job.
Share your general expectations (dependability, warmth, honesty, communicativeness, etc.).
Learn all you can about the babysitter.
Prior experience with children of your child's age.
References (take time to check them out).
Rates and transportation.
Feelings about discipline, safety, bedtime, mealtime and other situations that will arise.
Discuss your specific needs (days, hours, special child care responsibility, extra household duties, etc.).

At this time if you do not feel comfortable with the prospective babysitter, thank him/her for their time and walk them out. If you feel they are a candidate then introduce them to your children. Observe how they interact and how he/she treats your child. Is she/he warm and responsive? Sensitive to shyness? Ready to join your child in play and get down at your child's level?

The final selection of a babysitter will depend on your personal needs and preferences which will
determine who can provide the best care for your child. You will most likely be looking for someone who is mature, dependable, warm, flexible, creative, responsible, has a sense of humor, etc.

First Day Babysitting

Request that the babysitter arrive early (15-30minutes) to allow enough time to convey all of your instructions. This will also let your children become comfortable with the new babysitter while you are still present.

Give the babysitter a complete house tour, pointing out:

All Exits and how to secure locks
Pets
Bathrooms
Telephone
Thermostat/Air Conditioner
Children rooms
Light Switches
Fire Extinguisher
Provide the babysitter with specific instructions. It is best to have them in writing so the babysitter is not confused.
Meals/Snacks
Family rules/routines
Bath time
Medications
Bedtime
Visitors allowed

Flu Protection For Children

2008-12-20T14:25:00.000-08:00

Protecting Your Child From The Flu

As more and more parents share their growing concerns of influenza, also known as the “flu,” some hospitals and clinics throughout the United States have period of time when they are inundated with parents seeking the flu shot for themselves and their children. Some studies indicate that as many as thirty thousand U.S. citizens die each year from influenza. Although many of these individuals are seniors or younger children (some with other preexisting medical conditions), some are healthy individuals who become violently ill due to this disease.

Parenting children who are healthy and, for the most part, virus free during most of their childhood is scary enough when you consider all the situations they are faced with on a day to day basis. For example, parents often have no control over immunizing or protecting their child from a sports related injury. Now, however, parents can have a chance (or some control) by immunizing their child against influenza. The following article, written by Maura Lerner of the Star Tribune, describes how school are now playing a bigger role in helping to protect your child from the flu.

Shots may go to where kids naturally gather: schools. More walk-in clinics would also play a role.

With a federal panel now urging annual flu shots for all school-aged children, Minnesota health officials are looking for new and creative ways to offer the vaccine en masse.

In the fall, flu-shot clinics may start popping up in new places, such as schools, as officials try to efficiently deliver the vaccine to more people. If everyone the federal panel recommended was vaccinated, as many as 30 million more Americans would seek flu shots next year.

But so far, no one is predicting a run on the vaccine, said Kris Ehresmann, who heads the vaccine program at the Minnesota Department of Health. “The thought that the public would all of a sudden come in one mad rush to pursue vaccine is a very, very unlikely scenario,” she said. Mainly health officials are studying ways to make it convenient so more people will try to get kids vaccinated.

Even yet this flu season, the push is on. March is past the peak of flu season in Minnesota and far beyond when most people consider getting a flu shot. But renewed interest in the vaccine surged last week with the state’s first death of a child this season to flu.

Jasmine Levy, 12, whose step-grandmother said the girl had not had a flu shot, died during the night before her mother even realized she was sick with flu and an accompanying staph infection. Levy had an underlying health condition — asthma.

A few days later, the vaccine advisory committee to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) voted to recommend flu shots for virtually all children ages 6 months to 18 years.

Until now, healthy children ages 5 to 18 were generally considered a low priority. But officials are looking anew at school-aged children as the population that initially gets the flu and then spreads it to the very young and very old — for whom the flu can be far more dangerous. In the wake of Levy’s death and the CDC recommendation, the Minnesota Visiting Nurse Agency organized late-season flu shot clinics that were held Friday and Saturday.

The Flu: What Parents Can do To Help Their Child

2008-12-20T14:04:00.000-08:00

Fighting the Flu

Flu season begins every year mainly in late fall and early winter and usually spreads widely. The peak season for the flu in the Northern hemisphere is from November through March. Influenza is highly contagious. The virus is spread when someone either inhales infected droplets in the air. Coughing and sneezing are common examples. Kissing, sharing items or when someone comes in direct contact with an infected person's secretions can spread the flu bug.

Flu Symptoms In Children

Symptoms may begin 2-3 days after exposure to the virus. These symptoms usually last for 3-4 days, but cough and tiredness may linger for 1-2 weeks after the fever has gone away. Other family members or close contacts often have a similar illness. The flu comes on quickly and attacks the upper respiratory system. Classic symptoms include:

High-grade fever up to 104°F (40°C)

Chills

Muscle aches

Headaches

Sore throat

Dry cough

When To Bring Your Child To A Doctor

The most difficult question for parents is when to see a doctor about flu symptoms. Many parents may believe their child may just have the common cold. Here are some guidelines about when to call the doctor:

Fever continues after 2 days.

Nasal discharge lasts more than 10 days.

Nasal discharge becomes thick and yellow.

Discharge is coming from the eyes.

The child has difficulty breathing

A seizure occurs

Headaches last for more than two days

Flu symptoms may last more than a week. Parents can help their child's aches and pains with basic home care that may involve bed rest, encouraging the child to drink lots of fluids, treat fever with acetaminophen (as directed by doctor), provide humidifier and listen to your child. Flu prevention techniques should be discussed with your child. These teaching techniques should include:

Hand washing with soap and water or an alcohol hand gel is an important way to prevent picking up a flu virus. Avoid touching the mouth, nose, or eyes prior to hand-washing.

Vaccination- a flu shot should be given during the fall. In children, the flu vaccine can be given to children older than 6 months and in 2 separate doses for children younger than 9 years who have not been previously vaccinated. The flu vaccine is also available as a nasal spray (FluMist) for healthy children aged 5 years or older, adolescents, and adults aged 49 years or younger.

Avoid childhood sleep-overs during the flu season.

Anorexia: What Parents Need To Know

2008-12-17T12:57:00.000-08:00

What is Anorexia?

Anorexia (full name- anorexia nervosa) is an eating disorder characterized by a significant weight loss caused by excessive dieting. The cause of this illness in women, and now, an increasing number of men, is motivated by the strong desire to be thin and/or the fear of becoming obese. Anorexics see themselves as being fat. An anorexic’s actual weight has little to do with this eating disorder. Many anorexics do not even recognize they are underweight. They often report that they still "feel fat" when their weight is at 80 lbs. Some anorexics, even to the point of death, will show you on their bodies where they feel they need to lose weight. In their attempts to become even thinner, the anorexic will avoid food and taking in calories at all costs, which can result in a shut down of vital body organs (liver, pancreas and heart). An estimated 10 to 20% of diagnosed anorexics will eventually die from complications due to this disorder.

Eating Disorders: What Parents Need To Know

2008-12-17T12:48:00.000-08:00

Eating Disorders

When people hear of someone with an eating disorder they often assume the person has a food or diet problem. Eating disorders are not a sign that a person has a problem with their diet or the food that they eat, but a sign that there’s underlying problem(s) in their life that that need to be addressed. Before children enter school they are under a tremendous amount of pressure from their parents, relatives, friends and the media that they need to act or behave a certain way to fit in. Part of “fitting in” means that you have to fulfill an image to meet the demands of societal looks, fashion and behavior. This, compounded with the growing trend to be successful often leads some individuals to find away out of the pressure and demands. For some, it’s chemicals (alcohol and drugs). For others, it involves other forms of addictive behavior that come with an eating disorder.

By definition, an eating disorder is a psychological disorder centering on the avoidance, excessive consumption, or purging of food. When eating becomes an individual’s object of dependency and interferes with a “balance” in life, a disorder is occurring. An eating disorder is an illness. It is also treatable. The most common examples of eating disorders are anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, binge eating disorder and compulsive eating.

For more in-debt information regarding eating disorders (i.e. What is Anorexia?), please refer to the other eating disorder articles on this site.

My Child Is Late

2008-12-16T13:43:00.000-08:00

My Child Is Always Late

It’s important for parents to teach their children the importance of “time” before they begin school. Parents who allow their children to be late for activities that have set times are only setting them up for many life activities that require an individual to be “on time.”
Think of this. By the time your child begins any formal education he or she is expected to:

1. Know how to tell time by looking at a clock or watch,
2. Arrive on time to a friends house, church, sports or doctor appointment,
3. Go to bed and get up “on time,”
4. Come to super “on time,”

Many people in our society believe that a person who is late is being rude and discourteous to others who have to wait due to tardiness. Many states include tardiness to school as an unexcused absence that could place the child in truancy proceedings in court. Adults who are habitually late may lose their job.

Below are some parenting guidelines to help your child be on time.

Sit down with your child and tell him or her the importance of being on time.

Set time limits for your child. Tell your child that he or she has ten minute to get dressed and hold the child to the set time.

Set an example for your child by being on time for the activities that you are involved in. Show your child that you are organized. Keep a calendar with dates and times.

When your child is striving to stay on time, help him or her by reducing distractions (TV, radio, games etc.) that may interfere with them being on time.

Allow natural consequences to occur when your child is late. Your child may have to miss going to a friends house, attending a sports activity or going to see a movie if he or she is late. Use positive consequences too! Tell your child that she can have a friend over after school if she’s on time to school.

Use a timer. Timers may be used for all kinds of activities. Tell the child, “when the timer goes off, you should have your bedroom picked up.” You can also say, “When the alarm clock goes off, you have 45 minutes to get ready before the school bus comes.

Get your child into a daily routine. When your child gets up and goes to bed at the same time each day and has regular activities on a similar time basis, life for the child becomes more simplified.

Teen Communication: Parenting Is About Saying The Right Words

2008-12-16T07:05:00.000-08:00

How Teens Normally Communicate

Teens normally come to their parents when they need to talk. Be patient. Listen. It's difficult to listen when we, as parents, are in the habit of being in charge, providing direction and literally holding their hands. But, they are not six years old anymore...they are teens! This ScottCounseling article provides simple, but effective points to consider while communicating with your teen.

Your teen may appear to be rude, in a hurry or cut you short. This is not their intention. Be patient.

Teens are not adults. You may from time to time have an adult conversation with your teen. Treasure this moment! Don’t expect it all the time.

Teens often are more comfortable talking to their friends or peers than they are talking to adults; especially their parents. Again, nothing against you mom or dad, but kids their age are more fun to talk with. Be patient.

Moody teens will avoid conversations with you. Happy teens may talk your ears off. You may have to listen, nod your head and smile. Be patient.

Use open-ended questions like, "Hey, science class today...the lab?"

Avoid overreacting to communication that your teen is sharing. Yes, parenting can be emotional because you love your child. But, displaying an emotional outburst often shuts the conversation down.

Be genuine. While you are conversing with your teen, be sincere, look your teen in the eyes and display honest interest.

No matter how you conversation goes (Good or bad), end with, "I love you."

Counselor: When To See A Counselor?

2008-12-15T10:07:00.000-08:00

When to See A Counselor, Doctor or Psychiatrist

"Do I need to seek counseling help?" or "What counselor should I contact?" Sometimes it’s a difficult decision to make. You may be asking, “Does my child need to see a counselor or a doctor.” This article will help you make that decision. There’s a difference between all of these professional services that these individuals provide. The differences are listed below.

School Counselor

Your child’s teacher(s) request that you speak with a school counselor.

Your child is receiving failing grades.

Your child continually reports that he or she is unhappy in school.

Your child is not willing to talk to you.

You see a big change in your child’s behavior and academic performance.

There is a death in the family. This may include a pet.

You are concerned that your child is using drugs or chemicals.

You are concerned that your child is hanging around other children who are getting into trouble.

A family change, divorce that may affect school performance.

Psychologist or Clinic Counselor (Outside of School)

Your child talks, writes notes or you feel may try to hurt him or herself.

Your child runs away from home.

Your child continues to show anger or withdrawal behavior

Your child continues to challenge your authority at home and breaks rules that place the child in unsafe situations. (Examples: steals, uses physical force (hits), and continually lies)

A family change or death that may about an on-going emotional reaction.

Your child continually has sibling rivalries that do not end after you implement sibling rivalry strategies for change.

Medical Doctor or Psychiatrist

Your child attempts suicide.

Your child overdoses or misuses chemicals or drugs.

Your child is cutting or demonstrating self-injuring behaviors.

Your child continually reports that he or she is ill when you feel the child is well.

Your child has an eating disorder (bulimia or anorexia).

Your child has any physical or emotional signs that you feel are unusual.

Test Taking: Answering True or False Questions

2008-12-12T13:22:00.000-08:00

True & False Test Questions

Test-Taking is an important and necessary academic skill. Once a child understands the basics in test taking, test become less threatening. The following are test-taking tips to help your child score higher on true and false test questions.

Always read each test question carefully. Look for familiar key words or facts that you learned about the question. Normally true and false question that include words such as “usually,” “generally” or “sometimes” lead to TRUE answers.

True or false questions that include words like “never” or “always” are usually FALSE.

If any part of the question is false, then the entire question is FALSE.

Usually there are more TRUE answers on a true/false test.

If there is no penalty for guessing, then guess! You have a 50/50 chance of getting the right answer.

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Preparing To Take A Multiple Choice test

2008-12-12T13:16:00.000-08:00

Multiple Choice Test

The following are test taking tips that can be applied to improve multiple choice test questions:

Read the question twice before you look at the answers

After reading the question and before looking for the answer provided on the test, try to come up with the correct answer on your own.

Read all the possible choices before selecting one.

Use a process of elimination to discover the correct answer.

If “All the above” is a possible answer and you see two correct answers, then “All the above” would be a correct choice.

In most cases, a positive choice is more likely to be the correct answer (or true) than a negative choice.

The correct answer often has the most information included in the answer.

Usually your first choice will be your best choice.

When there is no penalty for guessing then make an educated guess when selecting an answer.

This is a great book!

The Secrets of Taking Any Test

ScottCounseling.com is America's parenting leader!

Test Taking Math

2008-12-12T13:00:00.000-08:00

Improving Your Math Test Scores

Practice! Practice! Practice! Nothing beats practice!

The best method to begin using to improve any score in life is to practice. Children who learn early in life to enjoy practicing often achieve their goals. Besides practicing, here are some other helpful hints to improve math test scores:

Before Taking the Math Test

Practice problems for each topic that will be tested. Be able to solve a math problem for each topic listed in the math section or chapter.

Show all your work when solving a problem.

Use the book or your notes first when you are having a difficult time solving a practice problem.

Ask for help! Stay after class or school and ask the teacher or another student for help.

Don’t say that you “understand” when you don’t understand. Ask for another example.

Memorize the formulas or math rules that apply.

Complete the math section or chapter review example test question. Some text book companies have extra chapter review test online.

While Taking the Math Test

Read each question carefully.

Answer all parts of the question asked.

Show all your work!

Before beginning the test, write all the math formulas that apply on the corner of the test.

If you are not sure that you are solving a problem correctly, leave the work that you completed on your test. You may scores some points for trying to solve the problem.

Great Book!

Strategies for Test-Taking Success: Math

Test Taking Tips For Eassay Test

2008-12-12T12:53:00.000-08:00

For more test taking tips and strategies, go to: Ask a Counselor

How To Do Well On Essay Questions & Test

When studying for essay tests that provide you with questions in advance:

Research and find all the information or facts to thoroughly answer the question.
Write the essay in advance. Practice answering the essay by actually writing it before you take the test.
Study and memorize. Outline key points in your mind.

While taking an essay test it is important to do the following:

Read the directions! Read the directions! Read the directions!

Only give your opinion if the question(s) asks for your opinion.

Be neat and organized with your thoughts and writing. Neater papers often score higher.

If the question is asking for facts, then stick to the fact. Do not provide your opinion unless you are asked for it.

Write down and provide information that thoroughly answers the essay question. More quality information is better than little or poor information.

Watch your time! Don’t spend too much time on one essay question.

Write out an outline of possible points, facts or information that you want included in the essay before you begin writing.

Use appropriate grammar, sentence structure and paragraph formation while writing your essay.

STRATEGIES FOR TEST TAKING SUCCESS-WRITING

Test Taking Tips: Helping Your Child Score Well On Test

2008-12-12T12:37:00.000-08:00

General Tips That Work for All Test

Have your child get plenty of sleep the night before a test. Your child will be more alert and have a better chance of focusing on the test questions.

Eat breakfast! Eat Lunch! Don’t take a test when your body is low on fuel. Don’t over eat either. Fresh fruits and vegetables along with foods high in protein are excellent sources of fuel. Avoid high fatty or greasy foods such as French fries.

Take advantage of practice test. Most text books have questions at the end of each chapter that your child can practice before the test. Many text book companies have online practice test for your child to take in preparation for the real test.

Studying for a test over a long period of time is better than “cramming” for a test the night before. Have your child study for a short period of time each day on a regular basis and avoid the one time “cram session.”

Do or complete all the assignments that lead up to a test. This is especially true for a math test.

Help your child with organization. Studies indicate that organized children are often better test takers.

Encourage your child to join before or after school study groups. Some teachers encourage their students to come early or stay after to get extra help.

Help your child to form questions prior to a test that ask the teacher questions about the test. Examples of good questions to ask may include:

“What is going to be on the test?”
“What’s the best way to prepare for the test?”
“Is the practice test similar to the real test?
“Where should I spend most of my time preparing for the test?”

Great Books!

A Quick Reference to Study and Test Taking Skills
Test-taking Power Strategies

Test Anxiety: How To Help Your Child

2008-12-12T12:28:00.000-08:00

How To Reduce Test Anxiety In Children

Test anxiety occurs when a student worries about doing well on a test to a point where he or she becomes overwhelmed. This type of anxiety often interferes with sleep and eating patterns, social relationships with friends and family and may even cause one to become physically ill. This disorder can become a major hindrance on test performance and cause extreme nervousness, memory lapses and other stress-related symptoms. Parenting children going through test anxiety is not an easy task .

The following are tips to reduce test anxiety:

Being well prepared for the test is the best way to reduce test taking anxiety.

Space out your studying over a few days or weeks, and continually review class material, don't wait until the night before and try to learn everything the night before.

Try to maintain a positive attitude while preparing for the test and during the test.

Exercising for a few days before the test will help reduce stress.

Get a good night's sleep before the test.

Show up to class early so you won't have to worry about being late.

Stay relaxed, if you begin to get nervous take a few deep breaths slowly to relax yourself and then get back to work.

Read the directions slowly and carefully.

If you don't understand the directions on the test, ask the teacher to explain it to you.

Skim through the test so that you have a good idea how to pace yourself.

Write down important formulas, facts, definitions and/or keywords in the margin first so you won't worry about forgetting them.

Do the simple questions first to help build up your confidence for the harder questions.

Don't worry about how fast other people finish their test; just concentrate on your own test.

If you don't know a question skip it for the time being (come back to it later if you have time), and remember that you don't have to always get every question right to do well on the test.

Focus on the question at hand; don't let your mind wander on other things.

If you're still experiencing extreme test anxiety after following these tips, seek help from your school counselor.

For more ideas: Ask a Counselor

Money: What All Children Need to Know

2008-12-12T08:37:00.000-08:00

Teaching Children About Money

Parenting children to learn to manage money is important. Too many parents avoid this area of teaching until the child is an adult; 18 or older. When we wait to teach children about money, and how to manage it until they're adults, they learn primarily as a result of their own successes and failures.

Some high schools offer “Personal Finance” classes. The majority of high school students, however, do not select these types of courses because they interfere with other required math classes for college preparation. Many parents report that their money management skills are often not what they’d like them to be or our finances are so complex that how we handle our money doesn't mean much to a child.

Many children will learn to manage their money through their own personal experiences and the guidance you, as parents, may give them. In other words, children learn from trial and error.

Below are some parenting tips that you may want to consider to help you child learn to manage his or her money.

Provide an Allowance
Benefits of an allowance:
Having a regular amount of their own income is the only way kids can learn to manage money.
They need to be able to make mistakes when the cost is minimal.
Knowing the limit of available funds forces kids:
To think about how much things costs, and
To make spending choices between the many things that they may want.
They have more appreciation for the things they buy when they use their own money.
When should I begin providing an allowance?

Once your child begins to show an interest in money and asks you for money to buy something that the child wants- start talking about money. It’s time to teach the concepts of:

What money is, and is not

How money works

How money can be good

How money can be misused

How people can earn money

The importance of spending

The importance of saving

When a child is ready to learn the fact that money can be exchanged for goods, they are ready to start learning the basics of money management. For many children, this may occur as young as three or four.
How much should the allowance be?

There are plenty of diverse opinions on how much money should be given as an allowance for children. Some child development behavioral experts say a dollar should be given for each year of age. Others would suggest you match the amount their friends get. Neither amount may be appropriate.

When coming up with the amount, consider the following:
Determine how much money you already give them. If your child does not get an allowance, you are managing their money for them by deciding what they will buy and what they will do. Their role is salesperson and manipulator. Consider letting the child begin to manage their own money. Refrain from doing all the work. Simple total up the amount you are giving them now (through you) and provide that amount as an allowance. You'll save money and avoid some of battles along the way.
Make a list of what they are expected to pay for with their allowance. Once you have the amount, sit down with your child and make a list of everything they are expected to pay for.
Keep in mind the fact that kids have three uses for their money - spending, saving and sharing. Consider all three areas when you are coming up with the amount. In addition to setting the allowance, this process puts an end to the constant requests to buy this and that and to give them money to do whatever their hearts desire.

Should Allowances be tied To Chores?

Most parents believe that their child has a certain amount of responsibility around the house. Responsibilities, however, have very little to do with allowances. In fact, if those responsibilities are not fulfilled, the loss of privileges would probably be more appropriate than the loss of allowances. Other points to consider:

How can a child manage their money if they don't know how much they will be getting on a regular basis? Consider this:

If a child does not need their allowance that week, is it acceptable not to do the chores? And, do we really want your children to ask, "How much?" every time a parent ask them to do something around the house?

Money is an important concept to teach. Yes, many schools are beginning or continuing to teach students the importance of having and spending money. Is your school teaching what you want your child to learn and know about money?

My Child Cries To Get What He Wants

2008-12-12T08:30:00.000-08:00

My Child Cries When Not Getting Own Way

Crying is a response to a natural feeling of unhappiness, sadness, hurtfulness or other feeling of discomfort. Crying is the only natural way that babies can communicate. Children who are between the ages of five and ten years of age who resort to crying are often using this behavior because:

Crying works. “I get what I want when I cry.”

Displaying other appropriate behaviors does not get the child what they want.

Parents often feel sorry for their child when he or she cries and gives in.

The child may be overwhelmed, confused, stressed or frustrated for long periods of time.

The child has not been taught or given positive reinforcement for appropriate non-crying behavior.

What Can Parents Do?

Parents need to model for they child the appropriate responses when not getting his or her own way. Teach your child how to solve problem without crying.

Sit down with your child when he or she is in a “happy” mood and discuss their crying behavior to get what is wanted. Tell the child that this behavior is not acceptable and how you are going to react to it. Set up a play that both parents can agree upon before meeting with the child. Both parent need to be consistent in how they respond to inappropriate crying.

Let your child know that crying is appropriate at times (when one is physically hurt, feelings hurt, a pet or person dies etc.) and not appropriate at times (to get a favorite food, toy, movie etc.).

Remain calm when your child displays inappropriate crying behavior. You want to refrain from getting upset and not in control of your emotions.

Let your child know that there will be negative consequences for using crying as a behavior to get what is wanted. Consequences may include ignoring the behavior, removal from a store or public setting, loss of a privilege etc.

Provide your child with positive consequences for appropriate non-crying behavior. Once your child refrains from crying to get what he or she wants, positively reinforce the behavior with a positive comment; add additional responsibilities showing that you trust the child’s improved maturity.

ScottCounseling.com offers free online counseling services at: Ask A Counselor.

New Teen Smoking Statistics: Should We Be Happy?

2008-12-12T06:52:00.000-08:00

Teen Smoking Is Dropping but...

Yes, we are all happy that more and more teens are avoiding smoking. The fact is, however, too many are still engaging in this behavior. While we want to avoid being negative about hearing (even the smallest of) changes in teen smoking behavior, the facts still indicate...

...that out of approximately 700,000 teens in Minnesota, over 140,000 have smoked in the past 30 days!

Here's a copy of the new MDH report:

The Minnesota Department of Health (MDH) announced results of a new survey showing that tobacco use among Minnesota's teens continues to decline. The 2008 Minnesota Youth Tobacco Survey provides a wide range of data on tobacco use among teens over the past three years.

Among the findings:

The percentage of middle school students who used any tobacco products in the past 30 days fell from 9.5 percent to 6.9 percent.

The percentage of middle school students who smoked cigarettes in the past 30 days fell from 5.2 to 3.4 percent.

The percentage of high school students using any tobacco products fell from 29.3 percent to 27.0 percent.

The percentage of high school students who smoked cigarettes in the past 30 days fell from 22.4 to 19.1 percent.

Teenage Girls: All Stressed Out!

2008-12-11T09:03:00.000-08:00

Teen Girls & Stress

During adolescence, your body is going through many changes that are happening at a fast pace. These changes might make you feel unsure of yourself at times, or stressed. They might make you worry about your size and wanting to fit in with the rest of the crowd.

Does your teen daughter ask questions, worry or show signs of stress in any of these areas of her life?

Why am I taller than most of the boys my age?

Why haven’t I grown any?

Am I too skinny?

Am I overweight?

Why is my weight going up and down?

Am I normal compared to other girls?

Are my breasts are too small?

Are my breasts are too large?

Why am I so emotional?

Why am I getting pimples?

Do my clothes look right on my body?

That new dress style doesn’t fit me – my friends won’t think I’m cool.

Does your teen son ask questions, worry or show signs of stress in any of these areas of his life?

Why am I smaller than most girls?

Why don’t I grow?

Am I too skinny?

Am I overweight?

Why is my weight going up and down?

Am I normal compared to other boys?

Where is this anger coming from?

Why am I getting pimples?

Do my clothes look right on my body?

During puberty, females are normally grow taller and faster than males. Female teens also have wider hips, bottoms, and thighs. Because females produce new hormones (like estrogen), their body weight may change more rapidly. Changes in estrogen levels can also cause mood swings – especially around her period. These physical factors in female teens may cause stress!

During puberty, males begin to grow facial, arm and body hair. Males, who have larger breast tissue, begin to lose this fatty tissue as it is replaced by muscle. Testosterone is the new male hormone that may cause mood swings, isolation and anger in some teen boys. These physical factors in male teens may cause stress .

For more help, go to: Ask a Counselor

Youth Sports: Parents Out of Control

2008-12-10T15:46:00.000-08:00

Youth Sports is support to be fun. Some parents are getting out of control. The benefits of sports out weights the negative aspects of sport. But, some parents are losing control. Sports are for the kids, not the parents.

Are you a parent in control of your behavior at a youth sporting event?

This YouTube video asks the right questions:

Teaching Children About Money

2008-12-10T15:26:00.000-08:00

Money and Children: What To Teach Your Child

Parenting children to learn to manage money is important. Too many parents avoid this area of teaching until the child is an adult; 18 or older. When we wait to teach children about money, and how to manage it until they’re adults, they learn primarily as a result of their own successes and failures.

Some high schools offer “Personal Finance” classes. The majority of high school students, however, do not select these types of courses because they interfere with other required math classes for college preparation. Many parents report that their money management skills are often not what they’d like them to be or our finances are so complex that how we handle our money doesn’t mean much to a child.

Many children will learn to manage their money through their own personal experiences and the guidance you, as parents, may give them. In other words, children learn from trial and error. Below are some parenting tips that you may want to consider to help you child learn to manage his or her money.

Benefits of an Allowance

Having a regular amount of their own income is the only way kids can learn to manage money.

Children need to be able to make mistakes when the cost is minimal.

Knowing the limit of available funds forces kids to:

To think about how much things costs

To make spending choices between the many things that they may want

They have more appreciation for the things they buy when they use their own money

When should I begin providing an allowance?

Once your child begins to show an interest in money and asks you for money to buy something that the child wants- start talking about money. It’s time to teach the concepts of:

What money is, and is not

How money works

How money can be good

How money can be misused

How people can earn money

The importance of spending

The importance of saving

When a child is ready to learn the fact that money can be exchanged for goods, they are ready to start learning the basics of money management. For many children, this may occur as young as three or four.

How much should the allowance be?

There are plenty of diverse opinions on how much money should be given as an allowance for children. Some child development behavioral experts say a dollar should be given for each year of age. Others would suggest you match the amount their friends get. Neither amount may be appropriate.

When coming up with the amount, consider the following:

Determine how much money you already give them. If your child does not get an allowance, you are managing their money for them by deciding what they will buy and what they will do. Their role is salesperson and manipulator. Consider letting the child begin to manage his own money. Refrain from doing all the work. Simple total up the amount you are giving them now (through you) and provide that amount as an allowance. You’ll save money and avoid some of battles along the way.

Make a list of what they are expected to pay for with their allowance. Once you have the amount, sit down with your child and make a list of everything they are expected to pay for.

Keep in mind the fact that kids have three uses for their money - spending, saving and sharing. Consider all three areas when you are coming up with the amount. In addition to setting the allowance, this process puts an end to the constant requests to buy this and that and to give them money to do whatever their hearts desire.

Should Allowances be tied To Chores?

Most parents believe that their child has a certain amount of responsibility around the house. Responsibilities, however, have very little to do with allowances. In fact, if those responsibilities are not fulfilled, the loss of privileges would probably be more appropriate than the loss of allowances.

How can a child manage their money if they don’t know how much they will be getting on a regular basis? Consider this:

If a child does not need their allowance that week, is it acceptable not to do the chores? And, do we really want your children to ask, “How much?” every time a parent ask them to do something around the house?

Money is an important concept to teach. Yes, many schools are beginning or continuing to teach students the importance of having and spending money.

Is your school teaching what you want your child to learn and know about money?

Youth Sports: Prventing Burnout

2008-12-10T15:13:00.000-08:00

Preventing Youth Sport Burnout
By Susan E. Stoker

Sport is not only physically challenging, but it can also be mentally challenging. Criticism from coaches, parents, and other teammates, as well as pressure to win can create an excessive amount of anxiety or stress for young athletes. Stress can be physical, emotional, or psychological, and research has indicated that it can lead to burnout. Burnout has been described as dropping/quitting of an activity that was at one time enjoyable.

The early years of development are critical years for learning about oneself. The sport setting is one where valuable experiences can take place. Young athletes can, for example, learn how to cooperate with others, make friends, and gain other social skills that will be used throughout their lives. Coaches and parents should be aware, at all times, that their feedback to youngsters can greatly effect their children. Youngsters may take their parents' and coaches' criticisms to heart and find a flaw in themselves.

Coaches and parents should also be cautious that youth sport participation does not become work for children. The outcome of the game should not be more important than the process of learning the sport and other life lessons. In today's youth sport setting, young athletes may be worrying more about who will win instead of enjoying themselves and the sport. Following a game, many parents and coaches focus on the outcome and find fault with youngsters' performances. Positive reinforcement should be provided regardless of the outcome. Research indicates that positive reinforcement motivates and has a greater effect on learning than criticism. Again, criticism can create high levels of stress, which can lead to burnout.

Coaches should know more about their sport than teaching skills, conditioning, or basic first aid. Knowledge concerning the psychological aspect of coaching, especially the prevention of burnout, is also needed. Some basic suggestions from researchers (Gould, Udry, Tuffey, Loehr, 1996) include:

Teach young athletes and parents how to manage stress.

Keep travel time down.

Do not overuse "playing up" (younger athletes competing against older athletes).

Players should have some input in training.

Use positive reinforcement instead of criticism.

Set goals that are realistic.

It is difficult for parents to let go and allow a coach to do her/his job. The coaches are there, however, to help and guide youngsters through the sport. Done right, coaches can help build self-respect in the youth on a team. Martens and Seefeldt (1979) gave these suggestions for parents:

During the game, stay seated in the bleachers.

Do not yell to the children about how to play or about what they are doing wrong.

Comments to young athletes, parents of opposing team, officials, or league administrators should not be derogatory.

During the game, do not interrupt what the coach is telling the athletes. Parents must be willing to give up the responsibility of their children to the coach during the game.

Coaches and parents can prevent burnout by working together in youth sport. Youngsters will be able to develop self-respect in a positive sport environment.

Internet: How To Keep Children Safe

2008-12-10T14:33:00.000-08:00

Internet Tips To Share With Your Children

Parents who are concerned about their child’s use of the Internet need to have a discussion that includes the following talking points:

NEVER give out your full name, your telephone number, name of your school or your address over the Internet unless you have permission.
NEVER arrange a face-to-face meeting with someone you meet online. Be careful if you receive e-mail messages or files from a stranger --ALWAYS let us open them first. Sometimes web sites ask you to send in material for them to post online.
ALWAYS check with me before sending a photo or anything you've written to someone you don't know.
ALWAYS let me know if you see bad language or something that makes you feel uncomfortable online.
ALWAYS see and tell me before clicking on links to other sites (including ads).
NEVER buy anything online or give out credit card information without my permission.

Let your child know that the Internet is a great place to communicate, seek information and make our lives easier to live.

Also tell your child that the Internet can be unsafe or even dangerous. Depending on your child age, provide your child with the Internet information that is presented in this category.

Does Your Child Watch Too Much TV?

2008-12-10T12:45:00.000-08:00

My Child Watches Too Much TV

What is the number one activity (per hour) that U.S. children spend their time? If you picked sleeping, then you are correct. Watching television was number two! Yes that’s right. According to the Kaiser Foundation, the average U.S. child spends 22 to 28 hours a week watching television. Other research has found that the average child spends 900 hours a year in school and over 1100 hours in front of the TV. Some children in some parts of the country are watching 4 to 6 hour of television per day! The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends 1 to 2 hours per day.

Television in moderation can be a good thing. There are educational themes, appropriate entertainment and news worthy information. But, what can parent do if they are afraid that their children are watching too much television? Review the “Television Help” list below.

Television Help

Set television guidelines for your children. Here are some examples:
1. One hour of TV per day.
2. One hour of G-rated TV.
3. TV only after homework and chores are completed.
4. One hour of G-rated TV and unlimited educational shows on Discovery or
PBS (Public Broadcasting).

Work to get your child interested in other activities other than television. Tell your child that you want them to help you select an activity (outside of school) that they are interested in trying. Here are some ideas: Boy or Girl Scouts, sports, church activities, academic camps, art clubs etc. You may get more information from your local Community Education programs.
Set up a TV contract with your child. Have their television shows placed on a calendar. Provide your child with some natural, positive incentives if he or she follows the contract. Natural incentives may include having a friend over, a favorite meal, time with you at the mall etc.

Limit the number of channels that come into your home. Limit the number of channels that your child may watch by using the channel locks provided by your carrier or television remote control.

Set a good example. Limit the number of hours of television that you watch. Read a book with your child, put together a puzzle, play a game or take your child out for a bike ride. Most of us need more exercise. Go do something!

Post a list of television shows that your child is allowed to watch. This will come in handy when you have a babysitter watch your child.

Limit the number of televisions in your home to one. No bedroom TVs!

Family Vacations: Planning A Trip With Your Child's Help

2008-12-10T10:26:00.000-08:00

Making the Most of Your Family's Vacation
By Janet Lombardi, Featured Author

What makes a great family vacation? There is no one way to do it, even if you've taken the same vacation year after year. Keeping an open mind, recognizing that the vacation is for everyone, and striving towards compromise can separate the sparklers from the duds.

For starters:

Drop the idealism. If you think the family getaway will measure up to some idealized version of perfection, you will be disappointed. As one parent said, "My kids whined in Disney World just like they do at home!" Instead of perfection, strive for memory-making moments that keep everyone feeling good about being together.

Get the whole family involved in planning. Nothing helps someone feel good about an experience like being part of the decision-making team. Look at travel brochures, Web sites, and newspaper articles together. Elicit your child's ideas. You may not end up doing what they want—or you may—but you will have fostered communication, decision-making, and compromise.

Schedule something for everyone. Dragging your kids from museum to museum because it's your vacation, too, will probably not work (unless your kids love museums) if your children would rather go to an amusement park. Nor do you have to feel obligated to indulge your child's every wish just because you're on vacation. Strike a balance so everyone gets some time to do what he or she likes.

Give teens some latitude. Judy, a 15-year-old, was griping about having to get up early every day to sight-see, so her parents gave her mornings off. They made arrangements to meet before lunch. Everyone won. Judy got the rest she wanted and her parents didn't have to spend their mornings with an unhappy kid.

Break off and do things separately. A family vacation doesn't dictate unconditional togetherness. If you and your daughter want to visit the science museum but your son and his dad want to play wiffle ball on the beach, so be it. The goal is an enjoyable experience for everyone.

Sibling Rivary: What Parents Can Do When Brother and Sister Fight

2008-12-10T09:57:00.000-08:00

My Child Fights with Brothers and Sisters

Sibling rivalry is one of the oldest problems in humanity. Rivalries often occur due to jealousy, competition and a child’s perception that he or she is not accepted. It’s normal for a child to begin to explore who he or she is in relationship to others. Since children most often spend time with other family members, they may become more comfortable and feel safe sharing their frustrations with other siblings. Read though some of the causes of sibling rivalries written below. Then read through “What Parents Can Do” to help you solve some of the battles that occur between your children. Review the “Mediation” process at the end of this chapter.
Causes of Sibling Rivalry

Children who are bored, hungry or tired have a greater chance of fighting with a brother or sister.

Children may be seeking attention from a brother or sister so they start to fight.

Some children have not been taught that fighting is unacceptable behavior in the family.

Children may feel that a parent is favoring their brother or sister. This causes the child to feel unaccepted and resentful toward other siblings.

As children go through natural stages of physical, social and emotional development, they have a need to explore who they are in relationship to other siblings. This may lead to some rivalry with a sibling due to jealousy or competition.

Stress in a child’s life may lead to agitated behavior toward other sibling. This may also occur when the child see the parent going through a stressful situation.

What Parents Can Do To Reduce Sibling Rivalry

Try not to compare your children. This may cause one child to feel inferior or less accepted.

Keep the competition between your children at a minimum. Instead of the children working against one other to be “first,” have them work together to beat the clock. Reward them together when they accomplish a task together.

You may need to change your children's daily routine when you discover that a rivalries occur at a specific time on a daily basis. For example, some kids are assigned chores right after school. Your children may be tired at this time and need some “down time.”

Kids want things to be fair, but they need to be taught that things are not always equal.

Place your children in situations that they will have fun together as a family. You do not have to spend money to do this. Go to a park and play a game. Do artwork together. Teach your children to cook as a team.

Parents need to model appropriate behavior. If the parent is constantly quarreling with the spouse or another family member in front of their children, then the child may view this as appropriate behavior.

Do not allow one child to take a parenting role over another child for long periods of time. This puts too much pressure on the parenting child and may cause the younger child to build resentment toward his or her sibling. When an older child is given the task of watching a younger child, provide the younger child with some specific duties that will make her feel like she has an important role in help while you are gone.

Do not assume that the older sibling is always causing the rivalries because “he should know better.” Let the older child know that the younger child may be irritating, you will help the younger child change her behavior and, you want the older child to be more patient.

Do not be too quick to intervene. If your children are safe from physical harm, sometimes it’s acceptable to provide your children some time to sort out their differences without your help. It’s appropriate for you, however, to keep an eye and ear on the conflict to see how it’s progressing.

Don’t get sucked into the conflict and avoid taking sides. This will only add fuel to the fire and build resentment toward you as a parent.

Mediation with Children

Set up a family meeting to discuss the rivalries and conflicts between your children. Your role as the parent is to mediate the conflicts. As a mediator you give each child a chance to speak without interruption. Ask each child how the conflict makes him or her feel. Then, allow each child to come up with a solution to the conflict. The parent’s role here is to give each child a fair chance to speak in a safe environment. Name-calling and insults should not be allowed. The mediator needs to set the boundaries before mediation take place.

Peer Pressure: What Parents and Teachers Can Do

2008-12-10T09:33:00.000-08:00

Discussing Peer Pressure with Your Child

Peer pressure is a tough issue for every child to manage. Everyone wants to have and keep friends. Parents need to help their child realize that peer pressure is a normal part of life. Parents also need to help their child cope with peer pressure. The following brief steps are written to help you, the parent, begin to assist your child with this important issue.

Help your child to become more assertive with his or her friends by:

Teaching your child to use a calm but firm voice- Say, “No, I don’t care to be with you guys when you do that stuff.”

Role-play with your child: The parent plays the part of the negative influence. The child plays him or herself.

Teaching your child to encourage his or her friends to do something else that is more positive. For example: “Let’s go play football.” Or, “Let’s go watch a movie.”

Discuss with your child ways that he or she can safely remove him or herself from a negative situation without being ridiculed by his or her friends. Examples:

“I have to go. My parents are expecting me.”

“What time is it? I forgot. I have to be someplace now. See ya!”

Just walk away. Leave. Say nothing.

“You guys! I have to stay out of trouble. I don’t want to get grounded.”

“I will really get into trouble.” “Yes, my parents will find out.” “My parent’s are not stupid.”

Encourage your child to become friends with positive peers. As a parent, it’s very difficult to pick your child’s friends. In fact, the experts say it’s sometimes impossible without alienating your child. However, if your child hangs around others who you believe are negative peer influences, they need to hang around places where you or other trusted adults are present. Speak with your child’s teachers, coaches, youth pastors and all adults who have responsibility for your child while they are with other children.

Manners Matter: Teaching Your Child Good Manners

2008-12-10T09:19:00.000-08:00

My Child Has Bad Manners

We all want our children to have good manners. Manners can and should begin to be taught to children as soon as they begin to talk. Saying “please” and “thank you” are common manners. Parents who model good manners in front of their children often see the children beginning to use appropriate manners. If your child has bad manners, implement some of the “Manners Matter” list below. Remember, parents need to demonstrate good manners. If you show up to the dinner table in your underwear, the child may demonstrate this behavior too. Before you speak to your child about good manners, read through the steps listed below and begin practicing these steps in front of your child. After practicing these steps for at least a week, sit down with your child and ask them if they noticed any changes that you, the parent, have been displaying in regards to good manners.

Manners Matter

The first step in helping your child to develop good manners is to identify or make a list of “Good Manners.” List of goods manners can be written for the home, friend’s homes, school, eating establishments, sporting activities and other places that you allow your child to frequent. Place the lists in a place where you and the child can easily refer to them. Have your child help write or draw up the lists.

When your child is displaying poor manners don’t lecture, teach! For example: Show your child by wiping your own mouth with a napkin that that’s the appropriate manners to use, instead of the side of an arm. Be positive while you are teaching.

Go to your neighborhood library. Select several children books that teach good manners through a story. Use this book as a story telling time before bed, dinner, playing with friends and more. There are literally hundreds of books written for elementary school-age children using the “manner” theme to help parents teach good manners through story telling. Some parents request these books as gifts to be given to younger children for their birthdays.

Teach your child appropriate signals or body language (other than your voice) to remind them to use good manners. For example, placing your finger on your ear may be used to help remind the child to listen to others while they talk. Rubbing your lip may be used to remind the child to slow down when eating food.

Avoid bringing your child to places that challenges your child’s ability to use good manners for a long period of time. For example, if you are house hunting, furniture shopping or attending a restaurant that is primarily frequented by adults, you may want to consider leaving your child at home or with a sitter, if appropriate.

Do not be afraid to remove your child from a setting if he or she continues to display bad manners. Dismiss the child from the dinner table after you have reminded the child of the need to use good manners. Put this plan at the bottom of the good manner list as a consequence that will be used if the child refuses to use good manners.

Do not encourage your child to use bad manners by laughing at them after they burp, at silly at an inappropriate time, make a funny face when someone is serious. This only teaches the child to use poor manners.

Always take the time to review the good manner lists before going to the grocery store, someone house for dinner, sporting events and other places that your child may attend.

Teaching Your Children Good Manners

Scared Child: Helping A Child Through Fear

2008-12-10T09:00:00.000-08:00

My Child Is Afraid & My Child Is Afraid To Try Something New

Childhood fears are normal. Adults are aware the fear is a feeling that will pass normally after a short period of time. Children who have not had all the experiences that adults have had are often more anxious and cautious. Our role as parents is to help our child cope with their fears.

Some of the most common fears that occur in children between the ages of 5 and 6 include the fear of school, the dark, small animals, heights, water and getting lost. Children between the ages of 6 and 11 years of age are often afraid of thunder and lightening, dentist and doctors, airplanes and robbers. Children 12 and up often have social fears. They want to “fit in” and fear that they may not measure up to the standards that are set by their peers. Rejection is a common fear in this age group. Taking test, giving oral reports, being embarrassed and dating are also common.

What Can Parents Do?

Don’t dismiss your child’s fears. Refrain from making comments such as “Stop being silly. You have nothing to fear.” Instead make supporting statements such as “I know you are afraid of getting on the bus. Your best friend and I will be there with you.”
Let your child know that being afraid or having fears are okay.
Gradually help your child to overcome a fear. If the child is trying something new, it may take more time. Be patient.
It’s important that you do not become fearful of their fears, but confident that you have the ability to help your child work through the situation. Fear can be contagious.
Help your child build a sense of control. Many children are fearful or afraid to try something new because they do not feel in control. For example: A child who is afraid to have friends over because they do not know what will happen or how to behave may be more comfortable starting with one friend at a time. As the parent, you may have to help by being the activity director. Help plan the activities with your child and make separate plans just in case the friend is fearful of trying the activity.
Children who are fearful need to be in an atmosphere that is safe and has boundaries. Parents need to set limits. Some children, who do not exhibit fears, may develop a fear due to a lack of rules, boundaries and limits set by the parent. Safety rules for bike riding, seat belts in cars and fire safety readiness are examples of rules that need to be established to help our child feel in control and secure.
If your child is exhibiting on-going fears, crying or continually refusing to try something new, inform your medical doctor. Some fears grow into phobias and need to be addressed by a trained medical professional. If the fear is school related, speak with the school counselor, social worker, psychologist, nurse, teacher or administrator.

Fear of Trying Something New

Do not force your child to try something new, but encourage your child. If you show signs of anger or frustration over your child’s fear, shyness or lack of confidence, this may only delay your child’s ability to overcome the fear.
Do not convey your own personal fears to the child. For example: If you are afraid of the water and participating in swim lessons, speak to the swim instructor so that he or she may pay special attention to your child. You may want to take a separate lesson yourself.
Some children are afraid of trying something new due to a fear of failure. If this is the case, reduce competition and allow your child to try the new activity in a setting where the number of children involved is low.
Accompany your child when he or she is trying a new activity.
If your child often refuses to make any attempt in trying new activities, offer alternative activities. For example: “ You may either join Cub Scouts or the AWANA church activity. I will become a leader in either activity. Which one do you want to join?”
Make “trying something new” a family practice. Parents need to show their children that they can make new friends and invite friends over to play cards etc. Get the whole family involved in a new activity together. Do volunteer work. The YMCA, Community Education Programs and local church programs are great places to start. You no not need a lot of money to get your family doing something together.

Attention Deficit Disorder: Making Friends

2008-12-09T18:43:00.000-08:00

Helping Your ADD Child Make Friends

Research indicates that at least 60% of children diagnosed with ADD/ADHD have difficulty making and keeping friends. Many ADD/ADHD boys, when observed with their peers, seem to be more aggressive, off-task, challenging and argumentative. Girls, who tend to be more aware of their disorder, often have a thought process that hinders their desire to make and keep friends. Some ADD/ADHD girls, who are aggressive, tend to be bossy, controlling and use verbal skills, which may be offensive to their peers.

Many ADD/ADHD children are impulsive. It is often hard for them to resist blurting out or interrupting others in their social group. This impulsivity turns other children off because they do not have the patience and understanding that is often required to remain a friend.

Parents can help their child by reviewing and implementing some of the strategies listed below:

· Encourage positive conversations with your child regarding social interactions. Some comments may include:
“It looked like Tom liked some of your baseball stuff. How did you feel about sharing it with him?”
“ I was nice of you to invite Tammy and Jenny over”. “How did it go?” “Well, I agree, maybe next time things will go better if one friend comes over.” “Maybe you can allow the friend to come up with one thing to do and then you come up with an idea.”

· All children should be held accountable for their behavior, including children who have ADD/ADHD. This includes social behavior. When you become aware that your child has mistreated another person, or acted inappropriately, use this experience as a teachable moment. Teaching your child to apologize, say, “excuse me” when interrupting, pay for something that he or she has broken or admitting to an inappropriate act is something all children must learn.

· Wouldn’t the world be a better place if all people and children:

1. Said “Hello!” and “Good-bye!”
2. Took turns talking and using items
3. Smiled more
4. Asked others to join in
5. Listened
6. Showed that they cared for someone else
7. Said, “I’m sorry.”
8. Don’t make fun of others, call names, act rude
9. Give a compliment
10. Relax

These are all things that all parents need to talk to their children about. Parents also need to model these and other appropriate social skills for their children on a daily basis.

· Have your child make a list of behaviors or feelings that they want to see in a friend. If your child has a difficult time doing this, write the following words on a piece of paper and ask you child to circle the words that he or she wants in a friend.

Helpful Honest Friendly Cheerful Funny
Respectful Kind Dependable Unselfish Loyal
Dependable Caring Trusting Responsible Giving

· Now ask your child to circle the same list of words that best describes how other kids want to be treated by him or her. You can do the same activity with other behaviors and feeling from the list below. Only this time ask your child to select the behaviors or feelings that you do not want in a friend.

Hurtful Dishonest Unkind Sad Selfish
Irresponsible Angry Blaming Disrespectful

Now, ask your child if they have ever acted this way toward someone who they wanted to be their friend.

· Speak with your child’s teachers, school counselor and other adults that work with your child. Let them know that you are trying to help your child to be more responsible for their social behavior. Most school districts have social skill curriculums that promote these life lessons. Stay in touch and communicate with other adults in the neighborhood and ask for honest feedback when it comes to finding out how your child is interacting with your neighbor’s children. Remember, your child is in the learning stages of his or her life. If you decide not to help teach these important skills, who will?
· Ask your school counselor, school psychologist or school social worker if they have support groups set up to teach, promote and have their students practice social skills. If they do, encourage your child to “try out” the group.

I’m really worried that my ADD/ADHD child is not going to “make it” in life. What can I do?

Stop worrying! Did you know that close to 90% of all diagnosed ADD/ADHD children graduate from high school. Most ADD/ADHD children do not become criminals, do not smoke or abuse drugs at a rate higher than other teens, and do not hate or love their parents any more or less than other children. Your child has been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD not terminal cancer, not a criminal offense, not terrorism, not a death sentence! So, stop it. Begin to help your child. Work with your doctor and the schools by doing the following:
· Have your child evaluated by a doctor who specializes in ADD/ADHD
· Allow your child to work with behavioral specialist that promotes behavioral change associated with this disorder.
· Encourage your child to participate in extra-curricular and co-curricular school activities that may include sports, plays and drama, speech and debate, clubs (chess, ski, math etc.) and other activities that are normally listed on your school’s WebPages.
· Seek information about the available medication options from your medical doctor.
· Seek information about the family therapy and training session options from your medical doctor.
· Develop a 504 Plan with the school if necessary.
· Provide your child extra academic assistance from the school or a tutor if necessary.

For professional counseling, go to: Ask a Counselor

Medications For Attention Deficit Disorder

2008-12-09T18:39:00.000-08:00

Treating ADD With Medication

As always, consult with your medical doctor before placing your child on any medication. It’s your job to ask questions and become educated on prescribed medication. Below is a list of the most commonly prescribed medications. New medications are prescribed regularly and may not be a part of this list. Stimulant medications are commonly prescribed for ADD/ADHD children.

Short-acting stimulants:

These stimulants are most commonly prescribed in “divided doses,” given 2-3 times daily. They normally last 3-5 hours. Dexedrine, Dextrostat, Methylin, Focalin and Ritalin are all short-acting stimulants.

Intermediate-acting stimulants:

These stimulants are normally taken once or twice per day and last four to eight hours. Adderall, Metadate ER, Ritalin SR, Methylin ER and Dexedrine Spansule are all intermediate-acting stimulants.

Long-acting stimulants:

Concerta, Ritalin LA, Adderall XR and Metadate CD are all long-acting stimulants. They are normally prescribed to be taken once daily and last 8-12 hours.

The stimulants mentioned above work by increasing the chemical activity in the brain responsible for inhibiting the undesired behavior of the ADD/ADHD child while increasing attention. These chemicals in the brain are known as neurotransmitters. Two neurotransmitters, dopamine and norepinephrine, are known to have tremendous influence on our ability to focus and stay on task while decreasing our desire to become excessively active. Many children respond to stimulants within the first thirty minutes. These stimulants are given orally to children. Most school districts do not allow, as a policy, for ADD/ADHD students to carry these prescribed medications with them in class. It’s important that the school nurse or school administrator is aware of the prescription medication that your child is taking while at school.

I heard that ADD/ADHD medication has bad side effects. Is that true?

Your doctor will provide you with information regarding the side effects of ADD/ADHD medication. It’s important to note that any item that we ingest, including water, can have adverse side effects. You doctor should monitor the side effects of the prescribed medication that you child is place on. This means that your doctor will want to hear from you if the side effects are occurring outside the range of normalcy for most children. Some of the common side effects for these stimulants include insomnia (sleeplessness), decreased appetite, headaches, anxiety and stomachaches. These side effects, if they are present, usually decrease during the first few weeks for most children. Again, let your doctor know if your child appears to be too sleepy, anxious or unable to sleep (insomnia) for long periods of time. Your doctor may ask your child’s teachers to fill out a teacher rating scale to help determine the effects of the prescribed medication during the child’s school day.

It’s important to note that stimulants have been prescribed to help children to cope with ADD/ADHD type behaviors since the late 1930’s. Out of the millions of children treated with stimulant medications, no known research studies have found that children taking these prescribed medications have had permanent damaging effects. Likewise, the same appears true for the positive side effects. There is no known research that shows the long-term positive side effects for using stimulants alone changes or alters the child’s outcome in adulthood.

Will my child have a greater chance of using drugs later in life because I allow medication to be used now?

Drug abuse research does not support the notion that children who use prescribed medications have a greater chance of abusing drugs later on in life. In fact, most research done in this area has shown just the opposite; especially for males.

Attention Deficit Disorder: Establishing Routines Are Important

2008-12-09T18:33:00.000-08:00

The Three R’s To Help ADD/ADHD Children Routines, Rules and Rewards

Generally speaking, we human beings do better when we follow a routine. Whether we are at work, play or just relaxing, we are often less anxious when we are in a predictable, structured pattern known as a routine. ADD/ADHD children often do better at home and at school when there is structure, an orderly schedule of events and few surprises. The surprise element in our lives is often stimulating. It often gets our adrenal glands flowing, which in turn raises our level of anxiety. For many individuals this stimulation promotes motivation and desire to do something. For many ADD children, however, the opposite effect may occur.

This may force the student to shut down, lose concentration and/or retreat. ADHD children may begin to act out, lose their focus and start to pace the room. For this reason, predictable routines, rules and rewards (incentives) seem to work for children diagnosed with ADD/ADHD. Parents working with an ADD/ADHD child may utilize the examples of routines, rules and rewards listed below.

· Place a poster board of daily routines on the child’s bedroom wall that spells out what the child must do everyday. Don’t get carried away. Make it simple and precise. The same poster board routine may also be placed on the outside cover of your child’s notebook for school. The poster may include:

Wake up at 7:00 a.m.
Shower at 7:10 a.m.
Eat breakfast at 7:25 a.m.
Brush teeth at 7:35 a.m.
Get backpack at 7:40 a.m.
Go to bus at 7:45 a.m.

· Some ADD/ADHD children have been successful wearing a watch that beeps to remind them to complete a task for follow directions.

· Have your child study in the same place during the same time of day whenever possible. Make sure that the décor in the room is not too busy looking or distracting to the child’s eye. No music and no TV!

· Establish posted rules for your child to follow. Be consistent on a day-to-day basis. One hour of TV per day means just that! See the chapter on rules for more information.

· Be consistent in assigning your child chores and task to accomplish around the house on a day-to-day basis. Have the chores listed and placed in a place where your child can read them each day.

· Make the incentives or rewards that you provide your child for accomplishing set rules and following routines “natural rewards.” Natural rewards or incentives are things that your child would naturally receive with one catch- they earn it! Such rewards may include pizza (or a favorite food) with friends, sleep over with friends, rent or order a movie or lunch with you! Make it simple and well within your budget. You don’t want to teach your child that he or she needs to accomplish a task in order to get a reward. You do want to teach your child that following a routine will help them succeed.

· Part of the reward plan may include a point system. Establish a system where your child can earn points for accomplishing a task or following a routine for the day. Help the child to set a goal to reach a certain number of points for the week, month and year. Place an incentive for each point total reached. Set up a chart or a graph so that the child can see their accomplishments. Keep it positive. If the child did not reach their goal for the day, let him or her know that new point goals will begin each day.

· Establish a routine for the entire family to follow. Don’t go crazy all at once. This can be done slowly and naturally. A good time to begin is at the beginning of the school year, month, birthday or other natural breaks in the year.

Attention Deficit: Homework Help Tips

2008-12-09T18:25:00.000-08:00

Most parents of ADD/ADHD children report that homework is the most difficult part of parenting their child in relationship to school. When you think about it, there are a lot of steps that the child has to follow before a homework assignment is even turned in to be graded.

Hear the assignment

Understand the assignment

Write down the assignment

Remember to bring the assignment (and books, if necessary) home

Remember to do the assignment

Remember to ask for help

Remember to take your time, focus, concentrate

Remember to do your best

Remember to pack the assignment

Remember to bring the assignment to class

Remember to turn the assignment in to the teacher

Each step may be a major challenge. So, here are some things that parents can do to help.

1. Help your child with organization. Do NOT do all the organizing yourself…just help by:

· Working with your child to organize the bedroom, backpack, school locker etc.
· Asking to see the planner notebook. (Middle and High Schools) Most schools now require them.
· Listen and be helpful in answering your child’s organizational questions that is a source of his or her frustration.

Child: “I keep forgetting my book at school.”
Parent: “What will help?” Maybe a note inside your locker will help.”
Child: “I’m dumb!” I’ll never remember!”
Parent: “Let’s meet with your teacher to see if she has some ideas to help.”

2. Talk with your child’s teachers. Many teachers understand that homework is a great source of frustration for ADD/ADHD children. Some teachers will limit assignments, require less problems to solve in math or provide extra time. A 504 Plan (SEE SECTION ON 504 PLANS) may spell out specific homework guidelines for teachers to follow.

3. Ask the teachers if they have a Web Page that post assignments. Some teachers have assignments as a part of their voice mail system. Many teachers provide their learning disabled and ADD/ADHD students with separate notes and daily assignment sheets. Ask and you may receive!

4. Provide your child with incentives to remember to bring home their assignments and books. Maybe he or she gets to have a sleepover during the weekend for remembering.

Attention Deficit: The School's Role

2008-12-09T18:11:00.000-08:00

What Is The School's Role In Helping A Child With Attention Deficit?

In 1991, the U.S. Department of Education approved children who were diagnosed with ADD/ADHD to be protected by federal law that provided them with a “free appropriate public education” under Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973. This federal act protects the civil rights of persons with disabilities, including ADD/ADHD. The phrase “free and appropriate” refers to a public school education that meets the needs of an ADD/ADHD child at no cost to the parents.

This means that if the child is to be removed from his or her peers that it is done so during the portion of general education that cannot be met in the regular classroom setting. This setting is also called “mainstream.” Section 504 children do not qualify for special education services that fall under IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Act). Children with learning disabilities have an Individual Education Plan (I.E.P.) that is developed by the school Child Study Team and Parents to ensure that LD children receive appropriate accommodations to help them learn.

Children who have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD may have a 504 Plan (when they do not qualify for special education services) that may make “reasonable” accommodations to meet the child’s academic needs. A medical professional must diagnose children who qualify for a 504 plan with chronic or acute ADD/ADHD. The diagnosis must prove that the child’s ADD/ADHD has adverse effects on educational performance, including grades, behavior, social issues or impaired work skills.

Some examples accommodations that may be included in a 504 Plan are listed below.

* Impulsiveness: The child may sit in the from row of class and be allowed extra time to complete assignments.
* After your child has been diagnosed teacher will give positive reinforcement (verbal praise) when the child raises his hand.
* Motor Activity: The child will be allowed to leave his seat, walk to the back of the room without making classroom disruptions in place of bothering students by him. The child will also be allowed to stand next to his desk while working on assignments after the teacher is done presenting.
* Organization: The child will be allowed extra time to complete notes provided by the teacher. The child may keep a second textbook at home.
* Behavior and School Rules: When the child is acting out in class, the child may be warned once for his behavior and then sent to see the school counselor o psychologist to discuss behavior. The child will be allowed back in class when the counselor or psychologist deems ready to return. The child will be expected to follow all school rules. Parents, school administrators and teachers will review school rules with the child.
* Student Talents: Teachers and other school employees who work with the child will encourage the child to participate in physical and social activities that promotes movement and social well being.
* Academics: The child will be allowed extra time to complete test. Teachers will post assignments on their WebPages as a form of communication. Parents and teachers will e-mail ach other at least once a week if necessary.

These are examples of 504 plans. Your school may have specific 504 forms, permission slips and other materials to provide parents. After your child has been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, the school administrator, psychologist or counselor will help you get started.

Note: Many special education children have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD. When this occurs, the child’s I.E.P. (Individual Education Plan) will make accommodations for the disorder. It’s important to also note that ADD/ADHD may fall under the heading OHI (Other Health Impaired). OHI falls under the special education umbrella and IDEA.

Should I let My Child’s Teacher(s) Know That My Child Is ADD/ADHD?

Some parents choose not to let their child’s teachers know that they have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD. This typically occurs and the beginning of the school year and the parents want to see if the child has made improvements from the previous school year. It is very rare that a child who has been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD makes significant gains throughout the summer to the point where his or her new teachers do not notice the disorder.

Children are rarely good at hiding their ADD/ADHD. If you choose to keep this information from your child’s teachers, they will most like be calling after the first two or three weeks of the beginning of the school year. Why wait? Let the teachers, school nurse and others working with your child know about the diagnosis, recommended medical interventions (medications, behavioral plan and treatments) so that the school can implement appropriate plans as well. Remember, ADD/ADHD is not about your child’s “good or bad” character, it’s about a disorder. Most parents would not hesitate in asking if their child is wearing his or her glasses in class due to a sight disorder. Why hesitate in sharing the diagnosed disorder of ADD/ADHD?

Attention Deficit Test: What Happens?

2008-12-09T18:07:00.000-08:00

What Happens During An ADD/ADHD Assessment?

Usually the assessment process includes the following process:

Parent(s) and child meet together and separately with the professional to discuss why they are there and what they believe is happening.
Parents often individually are asked to fill out a parent questionnaire form regarding numerous situations that they see in their child’s behavioral and academic performance.
The child’s teacher (s) are asked to fill out a teacher questionnaire.
An evaluator will administer a standardize IQ test (most commonly used test is the Wechsler test).
A learning disorder assessment may also be given to rule out a learning disability.
Computerized assessments may include a TOVA as well as other concentration assessments.
The evaluator will review all assessments individually and as one prior to meeting with you to make recommendations.

The evaluator may ask you to check with your school to see if the school has current IQ or learning disability assessment scores. If your child has been diagnosed with a learning disability (this is a school diagnosis) it may save your child time and you, the parent, money by getting these scores to the ADD/ADHD evaluator.

What Are The Treatments For Attention Deficit?

2008-12-09T17:57:00.000-08:00

What Treatments or Interventions Work For ADD/ADHD

There are a variety of interventions that seem to lessen the severity of ADD/ADHD. Behavior modification that takes place in both the home and school has been used to help manage this disorder. Medical facilities that specialize in working with children who are ADD/ADHD can recommend a behavioral therapist who can assist the child in replacing undesirable thinking that leads to inappropriate behaviors.

There are many different forms of behavioral therapy that include Rational Living Therapy, Cognitive Therapy, Dialectic Therapy and Rational Emotive Therapy. Behavioral therapy is a form of psychotherapy that is applied by a trained, licensed therapist. Parents can also be taught behavioral modification techniques that can be used at home. Some of these techniques will be provided later.

Social skills’ training is another intervention that has helped children with ADD/ADHD. Children are taught how to interact with their peers and family members by practicing acceptable social behaviors. Some of medical facilities that assess ADHD also provide social skills support groups. Another option for this intervention is offered through the special education programs in numerous public schools. Check with your child’s classroom teacher, school principal or special education director for availability.

The use of medication is another option that parents may want to consider after their child has been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD. There has been some controversy on the use of medication to treat children and adult who have been diagnosed with this disorder. Some of the controversy stems from the fact that some doctors over-prescribed a certain medication without first doing the proper assessments for ADD/ADHD. Other doctors have been accused of not following up with the child and parents to check on the side effects that the child is having that may be causing the child more problems. The fact remains, however, that millions of children who have been diagnosed with this disorder have had their symptoms successfully reduced after being placed on a medication that meets the needs and symptoms that is occurring with the child.

Medical specialist who appropriately assesses children for ADD/ADHD will often provide parents with the medication option after they provide the parents with appropriate information regarding the implications, side effects and long-term prognosis of the use of medication to treat this disorder. Again, see a doctor who specializes in the field of ADD/ADHD. Your school counselor, psychologist or nurse may also be able to provide you with the name of a medical facility and/or doctor who specializes in this area.

The following medical and educational specialists are usually involved in the evaluation process:

Developmental Pediatricians

Clinical Psychologist

Psychiatrist

Pediatric Neurologist

Pediatricians

The Cure For Attention Deficit Disorder

2008-12-09T17:52:00.000-08:00

Is There A Cure For ADD/ADHD?

Not yet. There is no known cure for ADD/ADHD. However, for many children and adult behavioral therapy, medications, schooling and parenting strategies that involve teaching children coping techniques have all proven to be successful interventions. Research seems to indicate that only one in three children who are diagnosed with ADD/ADHD are able to overcome the disorder by adulthood. Because there is no know cure at the present time, the primary focus has been placed on minimizing the symptoms. Once parents and educators working with children begin to accept the long-term nature of this disorder, the easier it is to manage it.

The Causes of Attention Deficit Disorder

2008-12-09T17:47:00.000-08:00

What Causes ADD/ADHD?

Medical experts believe that brain structure and function play a role in causing ADD and ADHD. The brain’s frontal lobe (located near our forehead) has often been the point of concentration by medical research teams. Through the use of MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging) these teams have found that the frontal lobes are 3 to 4 percent smaller in children who have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD. Medical science also believes that one of the brain’s main sources of energy, glucose, is used less in the areas that control attention in adults who have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD than adult who have not been diagnosed with this condition.

Since many individuals who have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD have responded well to stimulants to control this disorder, dopamine (a chemical neurotransmitter in the brain), is thought to be lacking in children with ADD/ADHD. Scientist hypothesize that since dopamine, which also reduces appetite and causes insomnia, have the same side effects as many stimulants, that this may be a cause to continue further research in this area.

Could Your Child Be Attention Deficit?

2008-12-09T17:15:00.000-08:00

Is My Child ADD/ADHD

According to the American Psychiatric Association, as defined in their Diagnostic and Statistical Manual IV-TR, ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) have held numerous labels over the years. There are three different types of ADHD.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Primarily Inattentive Type (ADD)

This type of distractible and inattentive disorder is commonly referred as ADD or Attention Deficit Disorder.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Primarily Impulsive and Hyperactive (ADHD)

Children diagnosed with this disorder often react before that think making their actions impulsive. These children also show signs of uncontrollable urges to move.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Combined (ADHD)

Children in this group are distractible, inattentive and impulsive.

This type of distractive and inattentive disorder is commonly referred as ADD or Attention Deficit Disorder.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Primarily Impulsive and Hyperactive (ADHD)

Children diagnosed with this disorder often react before that think making their actions impulsive. These children also show signs of uncontrollable urges to move.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Combined (ADHD)

Children in this group are distractible, inattentive and impulsive.

Common Signs and Symptoms Of ADD

ADD usually does not become problematic until a child is in third or fourth grade. The following signs and symptoms are normally present for a period of time that is no less than six months in multiple settings (home, school, activities etc.).

Short attention span

Forgetful

Easily distracted

Of has difficulty with organizational skills

Does not appear to be listeningFails to follow through with school assignments, chores and activities

Often appears to be lazy, disinterested and fails to put forth mental effort

The ADD child normally wants to succeed, but is unable to do so because he or she cannot find the mental energy required to complete a task. Frustration is a common displayed feeling. Copy with ADD often leads the ADD child to lie about completing homework assignments and chores. Procrastination is another character trait that is often demonstrated by an ADD child. Crying, arguing and manipulation may also be other forms of exhibited behavior.

I Have A Difficult or Challenging Child

2008-12-08T14:40:00.000-08:00

Steps To Take

Assess the age and developmental factors affecting your child. Read through Developmental Issues section in Scott Counseling.
Meet with your child and set ground rules for his or her behavior. Be specific and put the plan in writing.
Set up a “talking” plan. This is a plan that defines how you and your child are going to behave while you are talking to each other. For example: 1) We will speak in our school or restaurant voice (no yelling), 2) We will listen and not speak while the other person is talking, 3) We will not use foul or inappropriate language such as…, 4) We will say how the situation makes us feel, 5) We will summarize what the other person is saying to make sure we understand what has been said, and 6) We will come up with some workable solutions.
Pick your battles. As parents we can’t go after everything. For example, you may need to give up your desire for the child to have a picked up bedroom. You are, however not going to allow your child to swear or use inappropriate language.
If your child is angry, depressed, anxious or not eating or sleeping well, see your family medical doctor. Your family doctor may have some medical answers to help you and your child. Listen and follow your doctor’s suggestions. Get a second medical opinion if you have concerns about your doctor’s recommendations. If the second doctor is telling you similar or the same recommendations, it may be time to act of those recommendations.
Tell you child that you are going to hang in their with him or her. No matter what happens your child needs to know that you love him or her!

Helping Children Make Good Decisions

2008-12-08T14:27:00.000-08:00

Helping your Child Make Good Decisions

Discuss with your child that you feel he or she is at a stage in their life that they are capable of making “this” decision. Take time to discuss the decision that they have made, what they feel the outcome will be and what options they have if their decision is correct, or incorrect.
Ask your child what he or she learned from their decision.
If necessary and appropriate, set a time limit for your child to make a decision.
If your child is unable to make a decision on his or her own, discuss options, best and worse case scenarios and what feelings are affecting their decision-making process.
Ask your child, “What advice would you give your friend if he or she was in your situation?”
Tell you child, “It seems that you are having a difficult time making a decision. Do you need more time, information, help or?

Talking To Teens

2008-12-08T14:21:00.000-08:00

How Teens Normally Communicate

Teens normally come to their parents when they need to talk. Be patient.
Your teen may appear to be rude, in a hurry or cut you short. This is not their intention. Be patient.
Teens are not adults. You may from time to time have an adult conversation with your teen. Treasure this moment! Don’t expect it all the time.
Teens often are more comfortable talking to their friends or peers than they are talking to adults; especially their parents. Again, nothing against you mom or dad, but kids their age are more fun to talk with. Be patient.
Moody teens will avoid conversations with you.
Happy teens may talk your ears off. You may have to listen, nod your head and smile. Be patient.

Does your teen argue with you? Teen Program To End All Arguments

The Anxious Child: What Parents Can Do

2008-12-08T14:07:00.000-08:00

Helping The Anxious Child

Parenting children who are anxious often makes the parent anxious too. Parents can help their anxious child develop the skills and confidence to overcome fears so that they don't evolve into phobic reactions. The following techniques may be used by parents to assist the child in coping with his or her anxious behavior.

Symptoms of anxiousness include:

constant thoughts and intense fears about the safety

worried about school

frequent stomachaches and other physical complaints

extreme worries about day to day routines

fidgety, sweating and nervousness

panic or tantrums at times of separation from parents

trouble sleeping or nightmares

fears of meeting or talking to people

avoidance of social situations

few friends outside the family

many worries about things before they happen

constant worries or concerns about family, school, friends, or activities

repetitive, unwanted thoughts (obsessions) or actions (compulsions)

fears of embarrassment or making mistakes

low self-esteem and lack of self confidence

Fear is Real

As trivial as a fear may seem, it feels real to the child and it is causing him or her to feel anxious and afraid. "Being able to talk about fears can help," Dr. Manassis says:

"Words often take some of the power out of emotion; if you can give the fear a name it becomes more manageable. As with any negative feeling, the more you talk about it, the more it becomes less powerful."

Always believe your child’s fears

Telling a child, "Don't be ridiculous! There are no monsters in your closet!" may get him to go to bed, but it won't make the fear go away.

However, don't cater to fears. If your child doesn't like dogs, don't cross the street deliberately to avoid one. This will reinforce that dogs should be feared and avoided.

Teach the child how to rate fear

Teach your child how to rate the intensity of the fear on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the strongest. Your child may be able to "see" the fear as less intense than first imagined. Younger children can think about how "full of fear" they are, with being full "up to my knees" as not so scared, "up to my stomach" as more frightened, and "up to my head" as truly petrified.

Teach coping strategies

Try these easy-to-implement techniques. Using you as "home base," the child can venture out toward the feared object, and then return to you for safety before venturing out again. The child can also learn some positive self-statements, such as "I can do this" and "I will be OK," which he can say to himself when he feels anxious. Relaxation techniques are helpful as well, including visualization (of floating on a cloud or lying on a beach, for example) and deep breathing (imagining that the lungs are balloons and letting them slowly deflate).

Other strategies to implement

Set realistic expectations for your child
Use positive statements and reinforcement “I love the way you did that!”
Allow your child to succeed on his /her own
Allow your child to learn how to manage his/her own feelings by using a feeling chart
Avoid passing your anxiousness and fears onto your child

For More help with your anxious child, email a counselor with your question at: Ask a Counselor

Strategies for Anxiety and Stress

2008-12-08T13:59:00.000-08:00

Coping Strategies for Anxiety and Stress

Exercise

Meditation

Relaxation exercises including deep breathing

Visualization

Interpersonal skills in dealing with difficult people and situations or parenting skills training in dealing with your children

Prevention of anxiety and stress includes proper diet, regular exercise, rest, and the basics in terms of preventive health care maintenance. Diet is a large factor. Caffeine, stimulants, lack of rest, and lack of exercise all are factors that influence anxiety.

Great Stress Relief Books

Stress Relief Total Stress Relief: Practical Solutions That Really
Relaxation Basics: A Doctor's Prescription for Stress Stress Relief for Teachers: The Coping Triangle The New York Times Crosswords for Stress Relief;

Anxiety and Stress In Children

2008-12-08T13:43:00.000-08:00

Anxiety and Stress

According to the American Psychological Association, over 19 million American suffer from some sort of anxiety disorder. One out of every 75 people in the U.S. suffers from panic disorder. Women, more often than men, have been diagnosed with this condition more than men. So, what about kids? How does anxiety affect them? Is stress the same as anxiety? What can parents do if they feel that their child is overly anxious or stresses? This ScottCounseling article will provide you with answer to these questions. Parents will also receive some helpful tips and solutions so that you may teach your child how to cope with anxious or stressful situations.

What is Anxiety?

Anxiety is a feeling. Anxiety can include fear, apprehension and worry. It can be cognitive and emotional (mind), somatic (body) and behavioral (reaction to situation) that may cause a person to feel uncomfortable. Some Anxiety can be good for us because it alerts our senses to danger which may force us to do thing to protect ourselves. Constant anxiety may not be good because it may affect the body organs (such as our stomach) to increase certain harmful chemicals. Medical doctors often diagnose individuals who claim to have frequent headaches with anxiety-type disorders.

What is Stress?

Stress is any disruption of our normal, comfortable state that causes us to feel uncomfortable. Like anxiety, stress is a feeling, can affect our body and cause us to feel uncomfortable. Stress is pressure. It makes our mind and body work harder.

For more help go to: Ask a Counselor

Homework Battles: End The Fight At Home

2008-12-08T13:28:00.000-08:00

Click: Is Homework A Battle at Your Home???

ScottCounseling recognizes that helping children do homework can be a battle. Most parents agree that some homework is necessary and appropriate for their child to do in order to succeed academically. Many parents, however, struggle with this one question:

Homework: What is the Parent’s Role?

To answer this question, ScottCounseling is here to help you explore and develop a parenting homework philosophy. Without a parenting homework philosophy or a developed belief system in regards to this topic, you may find yourself floating at sea with no predictable hope of reaching a destination. ScottCounseling is tossing you a lifeline. Let’s get started!

Tough Questions

Is Homework Important?

Yes! Many educators will share with you that homework is important because it helps the student practice what they have learned in class that particular day. They will also share with you that homework, done properly, will allow the student to have a better chance to score well on a test or successfully complete an assigned project. These are the obvious answers to our first question. Here are some other thoughts to consider regarding the value of homework:

Homework teaches time management. Children who are assigned homework are often given a specific time to start and end a task. This helps children to learn how to meet deadlines and plan ahead.

Homework teaches responsibility. Children who are held accountable at an early age to complete age appropriate task learn to become comfortable with responsibility.

Homework teaches determination. Children who become determined and self-motivated are more likely to stay and complete a task. This often leads a child to character traits.

Homework builds character. Allowing your child to take responsibility for doing chores, setting goals, sharing feelings, asking question and yes, doing his or her own homework, builds and shapes character and personality. Homework provides your child with a chance to succeed and fail. Personal character is built by having an opportunity to succeed and/or fail. By the way, failure is not bad. Failure gives us another opportunity to SUCCEED! Once a child succeeds, he or she develops become encouraged. This encouragement leads to the development of your child’s positive self-esteem.

Who’s Responsible For The Homework?

Ultimately, the child is responsible for his or her homework. When parents assume ownership of homework, children will most often allow, and then become dependent, on the parent to do most of their assigned work. This same dependency may develop with chores, time management, activities and other areas that are important in a child’s overall development.

What Are My Parenting Responsibilities?

Depending on the age, grade and learning ability level of your child, homework parenting responsibilities will vary. Most teachers, at every grade level, are willing to help parents answer this question. ScottCounseling offers the following suggestion for parent homework involvement:

Before school begins, hold a discussion with your child and come up with a homework plan. Unless you child has special education needs, your child should be able to do the following:

Communicate with you on a daily basis regarding what they learned, enjoyed or experience in school that day. Tell your child that you are going to ask specific questions: “I see that you were doing division in math today. (As a parent you know this because you checked the Website or the weekly course list.) Can you show me an example of what you learned?”
Share with your child that you are not going interfere with homework unless he or she asks for help.
Help your child to set up a study place or area. Let the child decorate, put together supplies etc.
Let your child know that his or her teachers do not support the playing of TV’s, Ipods, phones or other distractions in school while doing school work and “we want to have the same study atmosphere in our home.”
Let your child know that you will be communicating with his or her teachers, or visiting the teachers’ websites every now and then.

Parents should attend their child’s school open house at the beginning of the school year. Teachers and other staff members often make recommendation for parent involvement with their child’s homework assignments. At this meeting, teachers often share e-mail addresses, phone and voicemail numbers and other communication methods for parents to utilize to assist their child.

Parents should be aware of daily and weekly homework assignments. Assignments may be in your child’s planner, posted on a teacher’s webpage or available via e-mail. MOST TEACHERS DO NOT AND SHOULD NOT BE CALLING YOU OR PERSONALLY SENDING YOU DAILY HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENTS UNLESS YOUR CHILD HAS SPECIAL NEEDS AND ON AN INDIVIDUAL EDUCATION PLAN (I.E.P.).

Communication with teachers via e-mail, school website, voicemail and conferences are important for parents to gain access to your child’s current grades and academic performance. BFORE YOU COMMUNICATE WITH THE TEACHER, IT’S IMPORTANT THAT YOU COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR CHILD.

Be patient! School and learning is a process not an event. Part of all learning is learning how to cope with the struggle. Know when to call it quits for homework. If you and the child are continually frustrated, contact your child’s teacher.

What Type Of Homework Parent Am I?

Permissive Parent

· Permissive parents seldom discuss school with their children.

· The permissive parent lets the child regulate most homework and school assignments on his or her own.

· This parent does not usually get involved in school conferences, communicating with teachers or attending school functions with their child.

· This parent assumes the teachers or school will help the child become academically successful.

Autocratic Parent

· The parent is in control of school and homework.

· The parent hovers over the child, checks scores daily and does not trust the child.

· The parent constantly makes negative comments toward the child regarding his or her academic progress.

· Autocratic parents may actually do some of his or her child’s homework

· Children are not allowed to make homework decisions without parent input.

· The autocratic parent often uses threats to motivate the student to complete homework assignments.

Authoritative Parent

The authoritative parent allows and expects the child to team with the parent and share ideas in setting up a homework plan.

This parent has clear set expectations for the child and shares these expectations.

The authoritative parent does not want the child to fail, but realizes that failure is an important part of education.

This parent uses discipline (natural consequences such as no TV until homework is done, or a friend can sleep over when I see your school report that all missing work is turned in) , rather than punishment (mean to cause pain, hurt), to help the child who does not do homework.

The authoritative parent is aware of how the school operates, is comfortable speaking with teachers and provides input when necessary.

The Homework Handbook Great Homework Book!

Homework Tips: Four Ideas To Get Your Child Studying

2008-12-08T13:19:00.000-08:00

Helpful Hints For Homework

• Establish a routine. Set a specific time every day for your child to do homework. Let your child set the time with you. Throughout the week, check in with your child about their assignments. When the check-in becomes routine, it's less stressful for the student and parent to discuss their homework or assignments. This also helps you and the child avoid last-minute frenzies.
• Take Note of trouble areas. When you sit down with your child, ask them to show you the types of assignments they're presently working on and to describe areas where they might be having difficulty. Once you identify problems, you can work together to find the resources they need to create work they can be proud of.
• Create a positive environment. It's no secret that when faced with a choice between homework, TV or Ipod, most kids will dump their homework every time. That's why it's important to provide your child with a good work environment—turn off electronic devices and help them learn to study in a quiet, focused space. Designate a specific area of your house for studying: Try to choose a well-lit space, and keep this area free from clutter so there is plenty of room for books and papers.
• Set up a study group. Children are social being, and a peer group can become a powerful incentive for studying. Consider starting a biweekly study group for your child with his or her friends. You can also provide engaging source materials, such as instructional videos, guest speakers, field trips(library, science museum, zoo etc.) and more, to help expand on subjects.

Total Transformation Program Review - Legit or Scam?

Total Transformation Review

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My Child Cries To Get What He Wants

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Manners Matter: Teaching Your Child Good Manners

Scared Child: Helping A Child Through Fear

Fear of Trying Something New

Attention Deficit Disorder: Making Friends

Medications For Attention Deficit Disorder

Attention Deficit Disorder: Establishing Routines Are Important

Attention Deficit: Homework Help Tips

Attention Deficit: The School's Role

Attention Deficit Test: What Happens?

What Happens During An ADD/ADHD Assessment?

What Are The Treatments For Attention Deficit?

The Cure For Attention Deficit Disorder

Is There A Cure For ADD/ADHD?

The Causes of Attention Deficit Disorder

Could Your Child Be Attention Deficit?

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Primarily Inattentive Type (ADD)

I Have A Difficult or Challenging Child

Helping Children Make Good Decisions

Talking To Teens

The Anxious Child: What Parents Can Do

Helping The Anxious Child

Strategies for Anxiety and Stress

Anxiety and Stress In Children

Homework Battles: End The Fight At Home

Homework Tips: Four Ideas To Get Your Child Studying

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