I Want To Change My Child's Behavior Problem Quickly!

 Parenting is about using the right words...

Is you child acting out? Are you searching for a strategy with words to change his or her inappropriate behavior quickly? You are not alone. Parenting is a learning process that takes time, courage and the willingness to team with parenting experts, like James Lehman, who teaches you, through the use of The Total Transformation Program, how to quickly put and end to poor child behavior quickly. Listen to the recording below.

...and the right actions at the right time.




Click and listen...

Children and Internet Safety: Put Your Child On A Internet Safety Contract

Thirty years ago, computer use was considered to be a luxury by most Americans.  Today, 55 million children use a computer to use the Internet on a weekly basis.  The computer Internet service has provided many of our schools and homes with a great tool to help our students improve their academic performance.  The World Wide Web provides our children with instant access to information regarding current news events, historical facts, mathematical solutions, foreign language resources, spelling and grammar help and hundreds of other academic information all just a click away!



What about the Internet dangers that includes cyberbullies, online predators and sexually explicit materials?    The Parent Coach Plan provides parents with Behavior Contract for Teens or Behavior Contracts for Youth that will help you and your child come up with a safety agreement while surfing the Internet.

Positive Child Internet Use 

The Internet has not only provided business, research, communication and networking by adults around the world, it has allowed our children to improve that academic performance at an astounding rate.  The following are just some of the advantages that the Internet provides our children:

• Information & Fact Finding
• Research
• Reading
• Problem-solving
• Communication
• Arts and Design
• Study Skills
• Networking
• Problem Solving
• Critical Thinking Skills
  

These positive services provided by the Internet have allowed many of our students to become more independent and creative thinkers.  This process promotes positive self-esteem and personal growth. 

Online Internet Dangers: Put Your Child on an Internet Contract

According to one national survey done by the NAC, 93% of parents report that they are aware of where and how their children use the Internet.  Yet only 62% of middle school students and 42 of high school students stated that they tell their parents where and what they do on the Internet.  The following are the most common concerns that parents need to become aware of when they allow their child to use the Internet.

Child development experts recommend placing children using the internet on a plan or internet use contract.  The contract should include some or all of the safety tips recommented by the U.S. government:



There are some very important things that you need to keep in mind when you allow your child  to use the computer at home or at school.  The following tips should be written into an internet safety contract or behavior plans.

    * First, remember never to give out personal information such as your name, home address, school name, or telephone number in a chat room or on bulletin boards. Also, never send a picture of yourself to someone you chat with on the computer without your parent's permission.

    * Never write to someone who has made you feel uncomfortable or scared.

    * Do not meet someone or have them visit you without the permission of your parents.

    * Tell your parents right away if you read anything on the Internet that makes you feel uncomfortable.

    * Remember that people online may not be who they say they are. Someone who says that "she" is a "12-year-old girl" could really be an older man.

Easy Going Parent Needs Help

Most good parents hate the idea of causing their child grief. They don’t want to incite a tantrum, and they certainly don’t their child to be angry at them.

But setting limits is an important part of good parenting. Infants' wants are identical to their needs. But over time, that changes. Toddlers' wants are often in direct opposition to their long-term developmental needs and safety. When parents don't make that developmental leap and learn to set limits, their children don't develop the ability to tolerate frustration or to manage themselves. These children are often referred to by others as “spoiled.”

Kids need limits for healthy emotional development. They do no need unreasonable limits and definitely not weak limits. When parents don't set limits, here's what happens:

1. The parents grant desires that should not be granted and have harmful consequences may occur.  For example, regularly staying up too late, which results in a cranky and exhausted child who is not up to completing routine tasks.

2. The child’s desires are met at the expense of someone else: a sibling, the parent, the restaurant where the family has gone to dinner, etc. The child also learns that she always gets her way in relationships, which of course, will make it hard for her to make friends.

3. The child learns that disappointment and sadness are not a part of his or her life. When the child realizes that the parents will do almost anything for him or her to prevent disappointment, the child may spend the rest of life doing whatever is necessary to avoid feeling what she fears through the parents. Keep a child from disappointment may cause the child to do things that end up being destructive. This may include cheating, stealing and other acts of behavior to reach a desired goal in an appropriate manner.

4. The child never learns to impose limits on him or herself. Imposing self limits is a crucial for self management and discipline.   Self-discipline is a skills that help us to strive to set and reach goals.  When one sets and reaches a goal they are more apt to feel happier and satisfied with themselves.

5. The child never learns that happiness is not derived from wish fulfillment or desire, but from accomplishment.

6. The child has a much harder time developing stable internal happiness.  They become more dependent on outside circumstance caused by other.. What does that mean?

Stable internal happiness comes from having one’s full range of self acceptance.  When a child learns that he or she control their own feelings of  anger, sadness and/or disappointment. They are more apt to do something about it. Parents who take this away send the message that part of the child’s self is not acceptable.

7. Children need to know that their parents have a different role than they do. It's a parent job to keep a child safe. When adults say “Kids will test the limits,” they mean kids want and need limits because they want someone to be in charge.  Children who grow up with little or no limits often feel more insecure.

How to become a parent that sets limits

Register for an online parenting class here!

Parenting A Child That Says "I Hate You"

Those three words from your child can cause you to feel hurt, fear, frustration, anger and sadness. These words when shared by a child toward the parent most often humble our already fragile parenting existence. And if you've yet to experience those words, the dreaded "I hate you" will come to your ears sooner or later.

Most of the time, your child may scream it at you in anger for not buying something at the store or providing something at he or she desires.




You may also hear it yelled at you during a fit of rage or a force of manipulation when the child does not get his or her way. No matter how “I Hate You” is presented from the child, it most often stops a parent in their tracks and challenges the parent to go into a defensive mode of operation.

According to James Lehman, creator of The Total Transformation Program, when a child says, "I hate you," the child is really saying, "You won’t let me go out tonight, so I’m going to talk hatefully to you so you’ll get upset and give in." “Maybe sometimes you do hate me. But I’m still not letting you go out tonight.”

Five Ways A Parent Can Respond To “I Hate You!”

1. Stop and wait before you respond: If hearing “I hate you” upsets you, it’s best to talk about it after you compose yourself, get your feelings together (the actions of anger out of your mind) and allow the moment to pass. Later in the day, or even the next day, in a friendly, upbeat manner say, “I understand that you were mad at me yesterday when you said, ‘I hate you,’ but in our house we don’t talk like that because it’s hurtful.” Spend time with your child discussing another way to let you know when he or she is angry or frustrated with you.
2. Recognize the child’s feelings by listening: Anger does not go away just because you tell a child, “It’s not nice to feel that way,” or “You shouldn’t feel that way.” Anger loses its intensity when you begin to recognize and accept that the child has feelings. Once you have recognized the child’s feelings you can begin to establish guidelines for the inappropriate behavior.
3. Help the child come up with other feeling words besides “I hate you:” While discussing and setting limits in #3, asked the child to share other feeling words. Sometimes children will share, “I really need that item because all my friends have it.” As a parent you can respond by saying, “I want to hear and understand where you are coming from. What pressure do you feel when others have what you don’t have?” Center your conversation on this instead of the displaced anger.
   
4. Remain calm: Or, as the kids say, “don't freak out.” For children, being upset with parents, teachers and any authority figure, for that matter, is normal. Notice that I said “normal.” This does not mean that it’s “right,” or acceptable for a child to behave in this manner.
   

Finally, it’s a good idea to let your children know that even we (parents) have feelings of anger and even hatred. Also share that “these feelings are natural and usually do not last long.” Tell your child that you love him or her. Always try to your day by saying “I love you.”

One of the advantages of using James Lehman's Total Transformation Program is that his program teaches you the words to say in step-by-step parenting lessons.

Sponsored Links Help For Troubled Teens 7 Step-by-Step Parenting Lessons Will Transform Your Teen -- Fast! Defiant Child? Highly praised behavioral program for parents of ODD kids. Free trial The Lehman Method for ODD Trusted, at-home behavioral program stops child defiance, anger – fast! Stop the Bad Behavior Highly praised behavioral program for parents of ADD/ADHD teens.